We had errands to run this afternoon. While Brandon ran into his dentist office I called my nurse, Sheila; I'd been told there was a slight chance my biopsy results would be in today.
The sun was shining. A breeze was blowing through our open car windows. The boys were buckled in their car seats completely content--a rarity when the car is stopped. I was wearing my skinny jeans, flipflops, and my comfy, black "Blast" shirt.
I called. My favorite receptionist, Bridget, answered. She knows my voice and put me right through to Sheila. As I asked if my results were in Brandon climbed into the car and Payt started screaming "DA! DA!". Once Payt was quiet Sheila told me that Dr. L was not working today but he'd come in the morning to do some paperwork, including my biopsy results.
"The biopsy showed that the nodule is indicative of cancer. They want to do a lobectomy on the right side of your thyroid."
"Okay, so when will that be?"
As she talked I mouthed to Brandon, "It's cancerous." His fist hit the steering wheel (although not too hard), and he took my hand.
My nurse went on to explain some things and we set up an appointment to meet with Dr. L to discuss my million questions of when, how, where, and what.
I hung up, and Brandon was in the McDonalds drive thru. We bought sodas, and held hands.
"I'm just not surprised it's cancerous. I think the Spirit has been preparing me for weeks. I would have been more surprised if it was not cancerous. Right now I just feel peace and gratitude."
"Me too, Babe."
Soon I called our predetermined list of family, friends, and church leaders as we continued to drive around town. Every conversation was about the same: got my results, it's cancerous, I will have surgery, no we don't need anything right now but thank you, I'm a little shaky but feel peace and gratitude, I'll know more after my appointment with Dr. L, I am not surprised it is cancerous, we'll keep you posted.
Once we were home Brandon hugged me and asked me if I wanted him to cancel his evening appointment with the missionaries. I told him no, we need those blessings of service right now! Our little family then knelt in prayer and thanked our Heavenly Father for our blessings, and we asked Him for strength at this time.
Payt and I put frozen pizzas in the oven, and I marveled at my children's innocence. Their day is no different because I was diagnosed with cancer. Everyone else will probably look at me differently now, but Payton and Derek won't. They still need fed, cleaned, and sung to. They still need me to be their mom.
While the pizzas baked, I started emptying the dishwasher. Derek was sitting in his bouncer on the kitchen table; Payton pulled a chair over to Derek and started making him giggle. Tears came to my eyes. Gratitude overwhelmed me. Gratitude for my children. Gratitude for the Gospel. Gratitude for my family. Gratitude for my friends. Gratitude for the time Brandon has off from school right now (he doesn't go back until after July 4th). Gratitude for a loving, strong husband. Gratitude for medical insurance. Gratitude for a mother who
He knows how I feel. He knows the peace, the pain, the anxiety. He knows and is here for me and for my sweet family.
We will get through this and be better for it. Right now I feel like this cancer is a tender mercy. It's drawing me nearer to my Father in Heaven. Lately I've just been coasting along. Sometimes I'd read my scriptures, prayers were becoming rote. This is my wake up call. A call to action. A call to draw near to Him. A call to cherish my children, my marriage, my motherhood. It's a time to grow.
Tears have been shed tonight. My husband loves me, that is evident. This is scary. But we do feel that the Lord is with us.
I truly do feel gratitude.
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For those of you just tuning in, here are three other posts talking about my thyroid: Update, Thyroid, and FNA
11 comments:
Oh, Sarah. I first saw the title of your post and then I saw the title of your blog "Come what may and love it!" and I thought "Sure, how's she going to do that" or "Except for now." But after reading your post I see you really have taken that saying to heart. What a positive outlook you have and what a faith promoting (for the rest of us) reaction you've had to the news. I'm so grateful you have support and hope. I'm praying for you and wishing the best for you and your family.
Sarah- I am so inspired by your faith, your courage, and your never-ending positive views on life. You really are a strong woman and absolutely a woman of faith. You will be in my prayers tonight and for many days and weeks to come. thank you for your example!
Thank you, Sarah for this great post! What an inspiring story for ALL of us. I wish your family all the best. Our prayers will be with you as well but please know, I can help out with anything at a moment's notice. Please call. I truly mean that.
love you guys. I know we're so far away, but let us know if we can do anything to help.
Prayers are with you... know that we are thinking about you and hope that all works out well.
Thank you for sharing your unfolding story. My prayers are with you. I'm so glad to know that you know that the Lord is guiding you along as He sees fit. I wish you and your sweet family all the best in this time of trial. God bless you Sarah!
Sarah, you have so much faith, it is touching. I'm sorry you have to go through all of this, Brandon should go to all of your appointments with you, as they are so scary I'm sure, so let me know anytime you need me to watch your kids or if there is anything else I can do. We will keep you in our prayers.
So interesting that at my most trying times, the Lord blesses me with 1) an overwhelming feeling and knowledge of his love and 2) a rememberance of all the blessings He has already given me. The two most comforting things on the planet: He loves me and He takes care of me. Love you all.
You have so much faith, Sarah. We prayed for you last night and we'll continue to do so. You'll get through this!
Wow. Wow. You are awesome - I love hearing your story and knowing how faithful you are gives me strength to do the small things that seem so hard. Will be praying for you - stay strong and close to the spirit!
You're such an amazing example to me! Thanks for sharing. You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers! :)
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