Cancer Sucks

Before the  Doc:

And After:  

 Thank, Heavens, that annoying tape is gone!
Kind of looks like a hickey. Good thing I'm use to that...
Just kidding, Mom!
(*cough*kinda)

Moving on

Time to be serious...

I haven't written lately because I just don't know where to begin.

Life is so weird right now.

I don't think most people understand, and that's okay, but it makes me hesitate to write because I don't want them to think I'm (even more) crazy.

Like when I tell someone I'm having problems with anxiety. Do you really understand that? What do you think OF me when I say that? I fear you think I'm a nut job, someone to keep your distance from, someone you have to watch your step around?

Sometimes I  feel like people act as though I could just snap out of these anxious feelings.

To those people I say:  read a medical book and get over yourself.

So with all of that said (had to get that off my chest), I don't have good news today.

Things are about to get worse.

But that's okay.

Right now I feel an amazing amount of support from my family, and Derek started giving kisses recently. Life can't be that bad, right?

The cancer spread. Lucky me! (Or as Karen said, I need to stop being an over achiever)

Thyroid cancer rarely spreads, but it got to a lymph node. At least one.

We pray that it's not more.

All the things (1 thyroid, 2 parathyroid glands, and 4 lymph nodes) that the surgeon took out of me were examined.

The nodes were only taken out because they were slightly swollen, BUT I'd had a cold so it was no surprise.

Thankfully--Oh, to think would could have happened if my surgeon chalked up the swelling to my cold--my doc still followed protocal and got the swollen lymph nodes out

And one was cancerous.

So it's a whole new ballgame. Radiation (other than I-131) or chemo.

(insert swear word)

I'm going to be sick and life just got a lot harder.

I'm meeting with my oncologist next Tuesday where I will get A LOT of answers.

I'm prepared for lots of testing.

Please, Father, don't let this cancer be anywhere else. Please let it have only been in that tiny lymph node that is already in the trash.

Ironically I felt I should get up extra early this morning, so I did, and I read from the Book of Mormon:

Ether 12:27

27And if men come unto me I will show unto them their^aweakness. I ^bgive unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my ^cgrace is sufficient for all men that ^dhumble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make ^eweak things become strong unto them.

Talk about a tender mercy. The boys got really rowdy during my meeting with my surgeon, so after the main details were out of the way Brandon took the them out. At one point the doctor stepped out of my room for a few minutes so I was alone. 

I sat and felt the Lord. We talked. I agreed to give this to Him, and He agreed to make this all for good--my good, my family's good, and my friend's good. I felt peace and Ether 12:27 came to my mind. 

It is now my mantra. 

I will live. Actually I'm not only going to live now, I am going to grow.

Just had to include my little guy. Look at those kissable cheeks!