Radiation Reflections

In an hour I will be FREE! I'm going home, people!

I still can't cuddle my boys for extended times, but I can be around them without too many problems. I still have to "double flush" (radiation comes out most through urine) and wash my clothes separately, but I'm done with hospitals and hotels. I'm done with sleeping in a room by myself (still can't share a bed with someone, but at least I won't be alone). I'm done with feeling like a disease to those around me.

My room was plastic and paper covered so everything came in contact with as little radiation as possible (aka, me).
I also wore gloves when using my personal things so that they didn't get contaminated. 

Dare I say things are going to return to normal? I hope so. Although with a mobile Derek in the mix and Brandon returning back to school full time we are going to have a new normal. But that's okay. I am hopeful that this new normal will no longer be full of doctor's appointments and cancer talk.

In a few days I will have a full body scan to make sure this treatment worked. Normally only one round of I-131 is needed to eradicate thyroid cancer, so I am hopeful that this will be the case for me. If not...well, I refuse to think like that! Right now, in my mind, still having cancer is not an option.

For the first time I learned Sudoku. Hello, Amazing. I LOVE it. This kept me sane.
I also painted my toes.

This has been a much harder week than I thought it would be. I assumed it was going to be hard, but I forgot that I wouldn't be on my thyroid meds during my radiation. This adds a whole new element:  exhaustion, weight gain, moodiness.

Being alone was definitely the hardest part. I need physical contact, especially with my children and husband. Although I had plenty of time to sleep (and I was exhausted from not being on my meds), the bed was not comfortable. Plus, the treatment caused the unwelcome sick affect of extremely dry skin. Call me whiny, but I didn't have any heavy duty lotion with me and one night I woke up having scratched my neck so much it was bleeding. Plus, they had me showering three times a day to get the radiation off of my body; this does not help alleviate dry skin!

Each day I was nauseous, but nothing severe until Wednesday morning. I did throw up, but with a little help from Zofran (miracle drug!) I was able to feel better and finally be released.

I really liked my radiologist...until he was called on an emergency to another hospital and left with his nurse. This nurse forgot to process my papers so I could leave. I'd already gotten the go ahead to call Brandon to get me, but I ended up having to wait FIVE infuriating, tear-filled hours before we could track down my doc's nurse to finish paper work. After being completely alone for about 60 hours, those five extra hours just about did me in. My poor Brandon. He had quite the exhausted, stressed, burned out, thyroid-medicine-less wife on his hands.

Brandon knows how much I love flowers, so I was humbled (after being so grouchy with him)
to see two large bouquets in my hotel room.   

Brandon took me to see the boys for a few minutes...which was heartbreaking. My dear Payton. He treated me like he didn't think I was coming back. I even took him outside to throw the ball--his very favorite thing--and I ran to the other side of the yard (to throw the ball) and he fell on the grass crying, saying "No, no, no". I went and gathered him in my arms (which at that time I could only hold him for like 30 seconds) and I realized he thought I was leaving. I put him down, he took my hand and pulled it in under his chin. He didn't want to let go of his mama! I just about cried.

Because I really could not be having this much contact with him I had to have Brandon take me back to the hotel. Paytie sobbed. :( The next day he did a lot better when I visited, and now it is not stressful at all. He must have figured out that mom is still around!

This week my emotions have been all over the place, and I have wanted to scream "Why me?"...but I realize how wrong that is. We each have trials, and I truly believe they are for our good. Throughout this whole process I've come to know that Heavenly Father is intimately aware of each of us. And I've realized I have many more good friends than I thought. I was shocked to receive multiple gift bags and treats from people while I was in the hospital and hotel.

To help pass the time I made my boys these ties. Aren't they adorable?! I am no seamstress, but these were incredibly
 easy. Thanks Hadley Grace Designs! Payt LOVES them.

Did you know that when we felt prompted to get pregnant with Derek is was TERRIBLE timing (so we thought)? But I believe with my whole heart that Derek's birth saved my life. If I hadn't of had a baby I wouldn't have been going to the doctor. Eventually we might have found the cancer, but it's been perfect timing that everything was found at the beginning of the summer and the cancer hadn't spread too far...

Heavenly Father has a plan, and I know that trusting in His timing will save and enhance our earthly and heavenly lives.