A Memory

Something has been on my mind lately and I wanted to post it for keepsake's sake ;). 

Because I have been working almost every morning for the past two weeks (got a job!), I have to get up earlier than normal (6am). Whenever I have to set an alarm clock I have a hard time falling asleep and sleeping because I feel anxiety that it's going to go off in such-and-such amount of time. Anyway, Brandon knows this. He knows how hard getting to sleep can be for me. 

Since I have started working I have been going to bed before Brandon. Part of this is because I simply have to go to bed earlier if I want to function at work (and as a mom!). But the other part of this is that Brandon knows I fall to sleep easier in the middle of the bed and without anyone else in the bed. He often sacrifices an early bed time for himself just so I can fall asleep easier. 

Thinking about this sweet gesture of his made me remember right after I had my thyroid surgery. I was in a great amount of pain and discomfort. I was often disoriented when I first came home and I could barely speak. One of the things Brandon did to help me was to let me have our whole bed to myself for two weeks. He slept on an air mattress on the floor; he was close enough to help me when I needed something, but he was far enough away that I could rest more peacefully. Every nap and night he'd tuck me in since I couldn't move enough to adjust things myself. He learned just how I liked to have the blankets...and he was the perfect helper. 

a candid shot from way back in April 2008

I'd like to add, too, that my Mom also spent her fair share of time sleeping on an air mattress or couch during my recovery. I'm so grateful she was able to come help us...

That was a hard time in our lives, but every time I woke up and saw my husband sleeping on the floor I was given a tender reminder how loved I am. Feeling so loved and blessed by him, and so many of you, truly helped speed up my physical and emotional recovery. 

Funny Payton

While typing my last blog post, I heard Payt crying (he's suppose to be in bed). I go upstairs and he says "poop!". I take him potty, after which me talks me into getting him a cup of milk (I'm a little bit of a push over after having been away from him for two days). Once he finishes his drink we head back upstairs.

While he's trudging along he says, "I want choo choo undies"
"Baby, you have on ball undies already. You don't need choo choo undies."
Payt pauses and says, "Okay. I poop in ball undies. So I wear choo choo undies."
"Don't you dare!"

haha. Love how his mind works! And, no, he didn't poop in undies (yet).

Valentines Day

I am a lover of Valentines Day. Even when I was single I didn't loathe the day. Some people bulk at the commercialism of it, but personally I find it wonderful to have a day to focus on love!

I like to 'go big or go home' for Brandon's Valentine's Days :). This year was no different. Sadly, this sparked some controversy...which really does make me sad...because I never meant it to be bad or distasteful. I saw it as funny, and so did Brandon (thankfully). I love my husband and we, thankfully, have a wonderful marriage. We've had to fight (like climb those mountains like Miley, ya'll) to make it good. But it is good. I have no shame in that. So...with that said, Valentines Day 2012: 

yes, that is what you think it is

Surprising Daddy at school with his cookies, balloons, and lunch. It was no easy task hiking 200 yards into the law school with
2 boys, 3 balloons, 1 plate of cookies, 1 purse, 2 sodas, and 3 Subway subs

Derek enjoying said lunch

We returned home from Daddy's school to find Valentines for my little Loves from their Ma and Pa

Payt was thrilled. I couldn't get him to stop looking at his Tonka stickers long enough to get a decent picture!

The day after Valentines my Little Loves and I made sugar cookies. Haha. That was an adventure... lesson learned:  follow the instructions! I thought for sure that we could swap around two steps and things would still be fine. Not so, not so. Apparently cookies really do need to chill before they can be cut into shapes. 

When did my "babies" get so big? *sniff, sniff* so bittersweet.

eating the cookie dough crumbs :)

hahahahahaha! Like I said, chill before trying to cut into shapes...not the other way around!

Happy Valentines Day. I love you, Brandon. 
Oh, and if you're wondering, Brandon really hit it out of the park this year...my Valentines Day gift was a surprise weekend get away just the two of us. More to come on that later!

15 Months

Last week Derek turned 15 months. I feel bad for missing a blog post then, but seriously we are so busy! I have started working between 20 and 25 hours a week, while Brandon stays home with the boys. It's been...a learning experience. Neither Brandon nor me are in a perfect groove yet, but I do love working! And the extra income is such a blessing. Anyway, more on my job later...for now, DerBear:

-This past month Derek popped some teeth! We discovered that he already had two whole molars in (say what?! Who gets molars before any other teeth?) and he had a bottom and top tooth pop through.

-Words: vroom, dada, more, hello. This month he's 'dropped' some words (like mama), so I'm on the lookout. That's what Payt did at Derek's age; he was saying a bunch of stuff, but then week by week words went away. 

-Favorites:  Elvis (his bird), pacis, Mommy, Payton, stairs, balls, kicking things, bananas, strawberries, beans, chicken nuggets, imitating Payton, trucks (he loves to say vroom), peek a boo, high fives, talking on the phone, sunglasses, airplanes and books

playing peek-a-boo :)

-Derek loves to laugh, and it is the most wonderful sound in the world when he and Payt are laughing together

-Unlike his brother, and much like his mama, Derek has a huge sweet tooth!

-Signs:  milk, more, please (which is a full body pat down, haha), airplane, paci, hi/bye, song

-Derek was sick on and off during the last month, but besides a runny nose right now he seems fine

He got his hair cut this month. This pic doesn't do his hair justice. The back is thick curls (that he loved to style with his food)
and I was always having to tuck his hair behind his ears. 

After. Looking so grown up!

 -Derek liked to wake up every night between 3 and 5am. He doesn't want to go back down unless he's in mommy or daddy's arms. He got into the habit when he was super sick...but about a week and a half ago we'd had enough! He woke up one night and just wanted to play; he'd cry if I wasn't holding him but would laugh as soon as I picked him up. I was so ticked, haha. Gotta love 4am emotions! I moved Payton to mine and Brandon's bed (since the boys share a room) and we let Derek cry it out. Yes, yes we did. I know some people are against it, and I have been with Derek because we tried it earlier on and it, simply, wasn't effective. Often, the Spirit would whisper to me that he needed to be treated differently than Payton (crying it out worked well with Payt and he never cried more than 20 mins). So to each their own...but that night a few weeks ago both Brandon and I felt strongly that he was going to be fine, he just needed to learn who's boss! After two hours--yeah, he's stubborn, a diaper change, a cup of milk, and tears he finally put himself to sleep. He has not woken up in the middle of the night since then! Praise be!

Anyway, Derek is a sweet little boy. He throws big tantrums and has the largest pouty lip, but he is adorable. He loves to make us laugh and he loves to snuggle. Love you, DerBear!

Potty Talk, er Drawing

Some times kids really do say the darnest things. 

Payt had just finished going potty (#2) when he left the bathroom and grabbed his magna-doodle (spelling?)

He started scribbling.

Payt says "it's poop!"

I say, "What, you need to go poop more?"

Payt, "No! It's poop" and he points at his magnadoodle. 

Laughing, I say "You drew poop?"

"Yep, drew poop"

Really? My kid just drew himself some poop. I love these little, bizarre, hilarious moments. 

Small and Seemingly Simple Things

Our sweet Payton has been doing so well lately! We've had much success with his orthopedic braces and compression garments. 

His orthopedic braces provide a tightness around his feet and ankle; this tightness helps train his brain "this is where my feet are, this is where my feet are." Throughout Payt's therapy appointments we learned that he is not always aware of where his body parts are in space. Could you imagine not being exactly aware of where your foot or head was? No wonder he could break down over, what I would think was, nothing. Ever since Payt got his orthotics (Leap Frog AFOs) in November he no longer needs such hard impact all the time. Before his "special shoes" he was constantly jumping, stomping, and slamming his body into things. It took hard force for his brain to know where his body parts were. 

One of our biggest trials with Payt was every evening he would run from one end of our couch to the other, slamming his body into each end. He would do it for hours if we let him. Very quirky. For the longest time I thought he was just being a bratty, hyper two year old boy! But I soon learned (through therapists and prayer) that there was more to it. As he became tired each night, his brain became less aware of where his body parts were in space. The running and slamming into the couch provide enough sensory stimulation to help him feel better. 

However, he's not to be running on the couch! Sensory issues or not, it's not appropriate. While some nights when I was at my whits end I would act like I wasn't seeing him run (he knew he was being disobedient and would try to hide the running/slamming from us), we tried very hard to be firm and to be consistent with discipline. 

But get this- the day he got his orthotics the running on the couch stopped! Truly, a miracle. When Payt first got his shoes he had to wear them all day unless he was in bed for them to be effective. Now, though, his brain has been trained and he only has to wear them when we leave the house for them to be effective. Even when he is home and his "special shoes" are not on his feet he is way more behaved. 

Yay for victories! I am so grateful.

We have also started using compression garments on Payt to provide stimulation to his trunk area. The one that his therapists could provide is a little big--it needs to be super small and snug to work to its fullest potential. But they're out of funds to buy a smaller one. Ugh. PEOPLE, SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL SPECIAL NEEDS GROUPS! Our organization does dozens of fundraisers throughout the year, but they could still use more help. Payton and I would be lost and a complete mess without the help of his therapists!

Anyway, Brandon and I can't afford the garment that I really want for Payt (it's $120 for the top, and another $120 for the bottom), but I did find boy-size compression shirts at Dicks for $15. I'm in the process of altering the shirt to make it even tighter. 

Further, last month Payt tolerated playing with shaving cream. This is a HUGE, HUGE breakthrough. Because Payt's brain is typically hyposensitive to touch, smooth textures normally upset him. I assume that when Payt touched something smooth he could not actually feel it; thus it freaked him out. His brain registered that he was touching something because his eyes could see it, but he couldn't feel it. That would be stressful to anyone, let alone a 2 year old. 

Anyway, now that we are working more with compression he gladly ran his hands all through the shaving cream last month. We've had him playing with shaving cream and his trucks for months, but he was very cautious to never touch the cream. So you can imagine my surprise and joy when I turned around on January 18 to see him willingly covered in it! A breakthrough. Since then I have noticed that Payt is more tolerant of smooth textures, and he's even eating scrambled eggs! Scrambled eggs are slimy and smooth, right? But he now LOVES them. I've tried for two years to get him to eat eggs. 

1/18/12. Payt is only mad in this picture because he didn't want me to take his pic
(I have no idea why he cared so much). He was yelling "NO CHEESE!" haha

I am so pleased with my big man. He has overcome so much in his few years on this earth, and I have great hope that he will only continue to get better. This months marks a year of him in therapy. HERE is a post I wrote last February right before I talked to a doctor about my concerns (and no, the paci thing didn't work; he still uses one). When he started last February he had only 2(!) words and 3 signs. Now, he has countless words, and he's speaking in broken sentences. Instead of his speech therapist working on getting him to speak any word, now we are working on pronunciation and sentence construction. 

I wish I could have told myself a year ago that everything was going to be okay. Don't get me wrong, there are still very hard days (today is actually one of them) and we have to be hawks, ever watchful that he doesn't have any lactose. But I have great hope. Hope that he will continue to improve and enjoy life! I just want him to be happy. I want him to have meaningful relationships with people. And I believe we are much closer to those things than we were a year ago. 

Way to go Payt! And, thank you, Brandon, my family, and my dear Savior and Father in Heaven for helping me find the strength to parent this little boy. It often tears me apart inside to be so firm with him, but I see now that his therapists were right! He needs consistency, my patience, and love-filled discipline. 

I love you, Paytie J! Thank you. Thank you for choosing me to be your Mama. I am honored. 

Brothers

Forgive the poor picture quality, but I just had to post these pics. My two little boys are becoming the best of friends. They'd be absolutely lost without each other. The fighting this month has been less and they've really played well together. Yesterday, I walked into to the family room to find the following. It melted my heart:

January Sunshine

When the weather perked up to almost 60 one day (it's been abnormally warm), I bundled up my coughing boys, took them to our favorite semi-secluded park and let them play. We left after an hour when other kids showed up. I didn't want the moms to be upset that I had coughing kids on the playground. But, don't judge. Yes, I'm sure a few germs escaped my boys' bodies, but they'd both been on antibiotics for days and we were going crazy. We had to get out! The boys loved our outing for the week!

January: Sunny, Sick Days

January was a tough month.

Emotionally I've been pretty stable though.

I've had bad days (as Brandon can attest) because we have hardly left the house.

But, in general, it was kind of nice to have a month full of pjs, movies, and SUNSHINE!

Life is always better when the sun shines.

I'm so grateful for this month's amazing weather because my boys have been so sick. 

So sick. 

Croup.

Strep.

High fevers.

Tonsillitis. 

Diarrhea.

Antibiotics.

Wet Coughs.

Dry coughs.

Runny noses.

Little to no sleep.

Stuffy noses.

Rashes.

Poor appetites. 

2 ER visits.

Priesthood blessings.

4 doctors visits.

Nebulizer treatments.

I could go on, but I will stop boring you.

Here's Derek while in the ER in Cali. He became so buzzed and CRAZY once he had his breathing treatments and steroids. It was hilarious.

cloth diapers and baby hospital gowns. So stinkin' cute! You better believe I kept the gown :)

Thankfully, Payt seems 100% normal as of yesterday. Derek is still congested, but he hasn't coughed in 24 hours. Light at the end of the tunnel? I hope so. Besides a couple routine things like grocery shopping, the boys and I only left the house about once a week in January. 

Thyroid Nodules and Cancer

Howdy Folks, January (also known as Thyroid Health Awareness Month) has come to a close, and I have yet to blog about thyroid nodules and thyroid cancer.

I'm going to be completely honest...I am in "flight" mode right now. I don't want to talk about my thyroid. Why? Because my 6 month-follow-up scan is suppose to happen sometime this month. This scan will tell us how well my I-131 (radiation) treatment in August worked.

So I really, really don't want to talk about this right now, because I'm nervous...

BUT...

It's important. I want people who (might) have thyroid problems to be aware and seek doctor advice. I want others who have thyroid cancer to catch it early, like I was lucky enough to have happen. 

Thyroid nodules are lumps on the thyroid. 

Thyroid nodules are common. "...up to half of all people have at least one thyroid nodule, although most do not know about it." (source)

95% are benign (source)

My doctor found my lump at my 6-week postpartum appointment (click the link for more info). 

My doc could see and feel the lump.

Looking at old pictures I can see it now too (I had a thick neck)

LESSON: GET A YEARLY PHYSICAL! 

If you have a nodule and your Thyroid Stimulating Hormone (TSH) is NOT normal then you most likely have different thyroid conditions that can be treated with medicine. If your TSH IS normal then typically further testing is required. My TSH was normal, so I ended up having a Fine Needle Aspiration Biopsy to determine if it was cancerous, and it was. 

Okay, White Collar is on and I can't focus. And I really don't like talking about this right now. Like I said, "flight mode". 

***This post is part of a series I am doing because it's Thyroid Health Awareness Month. I am not a physician, nurse, or anything like that. I am a woman who's had to learn a lot about her thyroid in the past year. My almost-lawyer-husband would be so proud that I'm including the following:  I am not liable for this information nor for the decisions you make based upon what I post. My hope is to teach people some basic thyroid information but if you have real concerns talk to your doctor!***