brandon and sarah

California Zoo Night

2012-01-25T21:26:00.002-06:00

A few days before Christmas we went to the Fresno Zoo because they had a light festival. It was so cool. Payt LOVED it, although we were freezing! We couldn't see too many 'real' animals, but that didn't stop Payt from having a blast. He thought the lights shaped like animals were even cooler than the "real" thing, especially if they were an animal from the Lion King.

petting sting rays

I love Payt in this one :)

California Christmas

2012-01-25T21:21:00.002-06:00

Besides Payt pooping his pants in the middle of church Christmas morning-so we went home early, it was a pretty uneventful (but wonderful) day.

Oh wait, I just remembered that the night we went to Grandma Carlee's house was Christmas. This is what I get for trying to post about something a month after it happened. I love Grandma Carlee's house on Christmas because the whole family is together. It's loud, and hot, and just plain fun. The babies did get whiny after a few hours so Tara and I took them back to Madera before the rest of the gang. But all in all, a wonderful day.

black mail...

Joe so happy after getting some sort of x box

Lydie-Lou loves her candy :)

Grandma Carlee's house:

the whole family, minus Alisha and Bobby

Ayla and Payt just loved these leaves that Grandpa David had raked in a pile for the (great)grandkids

he was in Heaven

a dog and dirt, what more does a boy need?

Derek stayed close to Brandon or me all night. He's not a fan of large crowds

Disney

2012-01-24T13:30:00.000-06:00

While in CA we went to Disney for 2 days.
It was...interesting, and hard, and fun, and exhausting, and...it was a lot of feelings all mixed together.
Lesson learned: if you take little kids to Disney it is about them and not about you.
Day 1 we tried to do mostly adult stuff, and our kids were miserable. It wasn't that fun. Plus, it was beyond COLD! I was not prepared for that. Also, did I mention Derek slept in the stroller the whole day so someone always had to be with him?
Day 2 The sun was out, and the wind had stopped. Dustin, Tara, and their girls, and Brandon, myself, and our boys did kid stuff together and it was much more fun because the kids weren't stressed/bored, etc. Plus, the husbands watched the babies during nap time while Tara and I played.
The trip ended up being really, really good...but lesson learned. Only take older kids to Disney!

way to lick that jacket, Payt!

not surprisingly, the tram was Payt's favorite part

He's a crazy driver!

So We Were In Cali For a Month

2012-01-24T12:30:00.000-06:00

Yep, you read that right, Folks. We were gone almost a full month in CA over Christmas break. I think having a long Christmas break is going to be the #1 thing I miss about school.

I don't know where to start to get caught up on blogging. Ah! I think that my California/Disney/Christmas posts are going to be lots of pictures and very little words. At least, that's how it's looking at the moment.

I will say, though, that as chaotic as it could be at times having all 7(!) siblings together for the first time since Brandon and I were married in 2008 it was wonderful. And I miss it. Payt misses it. Brandon misses it. Derek...well, Derek just wants me, so he's good right now. Payt, however, sobbed the first three days we were home saying, "Please, plane, bye, I want Ma's home. I want Pa. I want b-dog". He would hardly sleep. It was heartbreaking. He is still asking me, "Where's Ma, Pa?" I'll say that they're at Ma's home; to which he replies, "Yeah, Ma at home with b-dog. Pa at work."

While we were in CA we had our family pictures taken. I already posted those HERE.

Posts to come: Christmas Day, Disney, and the zoo.

So Sick

2012-01-24T08:24:00.002-06:00

I'm so nauseous I feel pregnant but I'm most definitely NOT.

Payt's so sick, he hasn't left the couch in a day...which means that bloody nose last night decorated my pretty pillows and couch. He also hasn't eaten since lunch on Sunday.

Payt hates his penicillin so much that he threw it up after I gave it to him last night. I haven't been able to bring myself to give him his dose this morning.

Derek...I really do NOT like him right now. His fever broke last Thursday and he has not had any signs of sickness since then...but does that stop him from stealing the spotlight? Heck, no. Last night and the night before he woke up at 2am and screamed and screamed and screamed unless we were holding him. I finally got him back down at 5am. Oh, did I mention he won't go to Brandon? Just me. Funnn.

Brandon's in bed right now from taking care of Payt all night (for which I'm grateful). Derek's still sleeping because, well, he was up all freaking night. Payt is awake watching Bob the Builder. And I'm venting on my blog.

We are not getting out of our pajamas. I'm really hoping Brandon doesn't go to school, but I haven't run that past him yet. My house smells because I haven't been able to take care of Derek's diapers. But I did get a load of dishes run yesterday. Small victories. So at least we have sippy cups. And motrin.

Guest Post: Life with Hyper AND Hypothyroidism

2012-01-23T12:53:00.002-06:00

I'm excited to have a cyber-friend of mine posting today. Sierra is my (well, technically, Brandon's) sister-in-law's cousin. Did you follow that? :) I found Sierra's blog, via Tara's blog, a few years ago when I was doing a late-night feeding, and I was hooked. She's such an inspiration and I hope to meet her one day!
So, without further ado, here's Sierra:

Hi all! My name is Sierra. Sarah is my cousin Tara’s sister in law. She also asked me to talk a little bit about my thyroid. To start off, I’m going to take you back about 10 years.

When I first started high school in 1999, I was in really good shape and very healthy. I was a healthy 130 lbs at 5 feet 7 inches. I was very active and athletic. At first, I didn’t realize anything was wrong. I started to become very anxious and moody. I would yell and scream over the silliest things. Of course, everyone thought I was just being an emotional teenage girl. Then the weight started to come off, and fast! I was eating a TON! Teachers were starting to worry if I had an eating disorder. I got down to 110 lbs very quickly. I started having bad hot flashes. I would have to leave my classroom. I would get winded very easily after working out. The night I finally realized something may be wrong, we were visiting my Grandma in the hospital. I noticed on her heart rate monitor, that he heart rate was kind of fast, like in the 90’s. I was just standing next to her and I was completely out of breath, which had been normal for some time. So, I decided to check my pulse. It was 120 beats a minute! And I was just standing. That was it. My parents finally made an appointment with my pediatrician.

They did every test imaginable on me. I was poke and prodded. I wore a heart monitor to school and did stress tests. It took almost a year for the light bulb in my pediatricians head to go off when all the other tests came back negative. That’s the first time I heard the word thyroid.

Sure enough, I had hyperthyroidism. I don’t know why they didn’t see that early. I was shaky, had a fast heartbeat, weight loss, serious anxiety issues, hot flashes and slight bulgy eyes. Even though it took them FOREVER to diagnose me, I’m just glad they found the problem.

I met with a doctor down in Beverly Hills because they didn’t have good endocrinologists out where I lived at the time. She decided I didn’t need iodine treatment and that medication would be just fine. Honestly, I can’t remember what I was on. I was very uneducated about it and I just took whatever they told me to take.

From what I do remember, if I forgot to take my meds for a few days, I would have a serious anxiety breakdown. Screaming, yelling….it was horrible. By the time I graduated High School, my doctor said I was in a normal range and could try not being on the medication. It’s pretty sad that I don’t even know now what I was taking. All I remember is that it was 2 pills.

Fast forwarded to April 2008. Sean (my husband) and I had been married for 5 months. And I had gained 25 lbs in those 5 months of marriage!! I was so tired ALL THE TIME. And I felt depressed. Everyone tried to tell me the weight gain was due to marriage. But I had not been eating bad enough to gain 25 lbs in such a short time frame. I immediately thought, “it’s my thyroid.” I made an appointment and sure enough, I had gone hypo. Apparently, if you are hyper at one point, there is a big chance you can go hypo later on in life. I had no idea. My current endocrinologist even told me that I could have died after explaining the symptoms I had in high school. It’s called a “thyroid storm.” It’s a life threatening condition brought on by undiagnosed hyperthyroidism. And since it took so long to diagnose me, this very well could have happened to me. My doctor first put me on 50 mg of Synthyroid. I responded very well to this. I stayed on this dose until I became pregnant.

I’ve been pregnant 3 times since 2008, but 2 were miscarriages. My 3^rd and successful pregnancy, I had to go into my endocrinologist every single month. A baby does not make their own thyroid hormone and gets the hormone from the mother. So this is why I needed to be seen so frequently during my pregnancy. My medication had to be increased quite often during my pregnancy. I remember one month, I jumped from 75 mg to 115 mg. I was feeling so sluggish and depressed. After I got the increase, I felt much better.

Even after Brielle was born, it took almost 10 months before I finally normalized and found a good dosage for me. I am currently on 75 mg. In a way, I’m happy that the condition I have is so easily fixed…..just take one pill every day. But in another way, it does bum me out that I have to rely on a pill to feel 100%. Even the slightest bit off and I feel horrible. I will be on this medication for the rest of my life. But I’m grateful that we found out what the problem was. And I’m grateful to be more educated this time around. I wasn’t educated at all about my condition when I was in high school. So, educate yourself! If you feel like something is off, go get your thyroid checked. It can make all the difference.

See, isn't she great! Thanks for sharing, Sierra. I hope people take your advice and get checked if they feel like something with their body (and possibly mind!) is off.

***This post is part of a series I am doing because it's Thyroid Health Awareness Month. I am not a physician, nurse, or anything like that. I am a woman who's had to learn a lot about her thyroid in the past year. My almost-lawyer-husband would be so proud that I'm including the following: I am not liable for this information nor for the decisions you make based upon what I post. My hope is to teach people some basic thyroid information but if you have real concerns talk to your doctor!***

Hyperthyroidism (overactive thyroid)

2012-01-23T07:30:00.000-06:00

At first when people hear the term hyperthyroid I've often had comments like- oh I want that! Fast metabolism? More energy? I'll take it!

I once had the same thoughts. And they're wrong. Not that I feel bad for myself...on the other hand I'm grateful to understand what many people go through. This thyroid experience has taught me a lot about not judging people.

Sure, you feel buzzed...but it's at night and you can't get your mind and body to shut up. I should buy stock in Benadryl because it is my sleep aid now. The initial burst of energy wears off and you're exhausted all.the.time. My endocrinologist, Dr. C, described it best when he said, "It's as though you're running in place constantly. Nothing productive is being accomplished but you can't stop moving."

Here are signs of Hyperthyroidism (source):

Most people with hyperthyroidism have symptoms, including one or more of the following:

Anxiety, irritability, trouble sleeping
Weakness (in particular of the upper arms and thighs, making it difficult to lift heavy items or climb stairs)
Tremors (of the hands)
Perspiring more than normal, difficulty tolerating hot weather
Rapid or irregular heartbeats
Fatigue
Weight loss in spite of a normal or increased appetite
Frequent bowel movements

In addition, some women have irregular menstrual periods or stop having their periods altogether. This can be associated with infertility. Men may develop enlarged or tender breasts, or erectile dysfunction, which resolves when hyperthyroidism is treated.

There are a few different causes of hyperthyroidism: Graves Disease, toxic nodular goiter, and thyroiditis. I have not experienced any of these since I am hyperthyroid on purpose to prevent more cancer cells from growing. Basically I can't give you any more info on the causes than what you could look up yourself :).

Thankfully, there are drugs to help suppress an overactive thyroid. In severe cases people have their thyroids removed or, more commonly, they take a radioactive iodine pill to destroy their thyroids. This pill, I-131, is the same radiation treatment I had after my thyroid was removed.

Stay tuned- my next post is a guest post where we'll talk about living with Hyper- AND Hypo-thyroidism.

***This post is part of a series I am doing because it's Thyroid Health Awareness Month. I am not a physician, nurse, or anything like that. I am a woman who's had to learn a lot about her thyroid in the past year. My almost-lawyer-husband would be so proud that I'm including the following: I am not liable for this information nor for the decisions you make based upon what I post. My hope is to teach people some basic thyroid information but if you have real concerns talk to your doctor!***

Understanding a TSH Reading

2012-01-22T14:13:00.000-06:00

When I first was getting blood drawn for thyroid tests, I was really confused by the readings. My TSH would be HIGH but I would be HYPOthyroid (under active thyroid). It just seemed backwards and confusing to me.

I spoke with my doctor and I did a little research. TSH is the Thyroid Stimulating Hormone produced by the pituitary gland. When your thyroid is not working enough the pituitary glands produces more TSH in hopes of stimulating your sluggish thyroid. Thus, if your body thinks your thyroid is not working well, the brain will tell the pituitary gland to make more TSH. So, when you read your thyroid labs a high TSH could mean hypothyroidism, and a low TSH could mean hyperthyroidism (hyper because your body is not needing more thyroid so the pituitary is producing less TSH).

I have mentioned previously that my doctor is keeping me a little hyperthyroid to suppress any growth of thyroid cells in my body (to prevent more cancer). My optimal TSH level for the first five years after having cancer is between .05 and .5. That's pretty low, and I definitely feel some hyperthyroid affects because of it. In contrast, my guest poster's TSH was 8.0 when she was first checked. That's super high, and she was most definitely hypothyroid.

The optimal TSH level can be anywhere between .5 and 5.0. (source).

***This post is part of a series I am doing because it's Thyroid Health Awareness Month. I am not a physician, nurse, or anything like that. I am a woman who's had to learn a lot about her thyroid in the past year. My almost-lawyer-husband would be so proud that I'm including the following: I am not liable for this information nor for the decisions you make based upon what I post. My hope is to teach people some basic thyroid information but if you have real concerns talk to your doctor!***

14 Months

2012-01-22T11:35:00.000-06:00

Well, Derek turned 14 months over a week ago. I didn't realize it until just now. Looking back at the calendar I'm pretty sure I was in the ER with Derek the moment he turned 14 months. Derek's been pretty sick the past few weeks, with this last week being the worse. He battled a 105.7ish fever for days. On medicine we could keep it around 102/103. Thankfully, Thursday morning his fever broke, and he seems to be returning to normal.

Normal nowadays, though, consists of the following words: ornery, turd, stinky, and crank-butt. I thought it was so fitting that Derek woke up this morning with horns. I've known that he's had horns for months now, but the rest of the world is finally able to see them, too :).

I love my DerBear. He is my buddy, and I think that Payton is to the point that he would be absolutely lost without him. This month Derek's started throwing major tantrums. He's not as passive as he once was! He also got his FIRST tooth! About time, right? :). I gave him a whole cracker yesterday and he nibbled it tiny bit-by-bit with his little tooth. Derek is even more in love with Elvis (his bird) and his pacifier. Since we were in CA and then he was sick I haven't been strict at all about his paci...so...he's obsessed. Derek loves balls and trucks. He says vrooom, dada, mama, and more. He signs milk, more, and please. We're trying to teach him the sign for thank you. Derek also started blowing kisses. Derek wears size 18 month clothes, and he lost a few pounds this month when he was sick.

Yesterday I watched Derek walk up to Payton who was playing with their train track. Derek skillfully kicked Payts train off the track, smiled, and waddled away. Payt freaked out. Derek's actions were so intentional; it was hilarious.

Signs of Hypothyroidism

2012-01-21T12:59:00.001-06:00

So...life...it's crazy.

But I'm passionate about people learning about their thyroids and, hopefully, improving the quality of their lives if they have a thyroid problem.

So here's a mini-post:

My doctor has recommended to me this AWESOME medical website called uptodate.com/patient. I LOVE LOVE LOVE it. And my doctor takes me a little more seriously when I get info from a website he recommended :). Yes, I am that mom that starts every conversation with, "Well, I was google-ing his symptoms and..."

This site has awesome info about a hypothyroid, including symptoms, causes, and treatment options. Please click HERE to read what they have to say. They're legit and definitely worth a visit!

Guest Post: Life With Hypothyroidism

2012-01-19T14:28:00.000-06:00

A dear friend of mine found out last year that her years of health problems were predominantly tied to Hypothyroidism. Here is her story:

Sarah asked me to take a few minutes and talk about my experience with a hypothyroid. First off I think there are people who have had much worse thyroid problems than myself. So I don't think I know everything. But I do think my experience began when I was quite young. When I was in third grade, and nearing the onset of puberty, I noticed that almost every time I stood up I blacked out. That has continued on throughout my life (I am now 28). I always thought it was a little weird, and often uncomfortable (especially when in the middle of a conversation). But I never did anything about it. Well it turns out that blacking out when standing up means you have low blood pressure. I always thought my low blood pressure was the result of fabulous 'blood-pressure-genes'. I mean, when I say I have low blood pressure I mean LOW. A typical blood pressure reading for me when I was pregnant was in the 50's over 80's range. (Am I saying that right? I'm not sure). But it turns out that low blood pressure is a symptom of an under active thyroid.

Other symptoms I have experienced over the years (some are hard to explain):

Cycles of depression and anxiety - Hopefully Sarah mentions this - depression doesn't necessarily mean you have an underactive thyroid and similarly anxiety doesn't mean you have an overactive thyroid. You can have either with an underactive or overactive thyroid.
Being cold all the time. I have on occasion described myself as a snake - the only time my body is warm is in direct contact with the sun's rays. It can be a hot summer day and if i am in the shade my hands and feet will be freezing.
Thin Hair. My hair has always been pretty thin. In college I actually lost a lot of hair which was embarrassing and added to the depression I was already feeling that year. It was not a fun time in my life. At the time I thought it was just part of my whole freshman experience.
Fatigue and Sluggishness....oh the sluggishness. That's been the word to describe my life for so long.
For about 6 months during one particular college year I had some really strange things happen. I felt I couldn't think clearly and more than that I felt like I couldn't talk clearly. I felt like my tongue wouldn't form words when I wanted to talk. It was strange and, of course, me being hypersensitive to myself was more aware of it than anyone else (I'm not even sure anyone noticed). But I think about this occasionally when I read the 'symptoms' column for hypothyroidism.
Arthritic Pain.
Headaches.
Bleeding Between my Cycles.

After I had my second baby some other symptoms became much more accute:

The joint pain: I would wake up every morning and be in a lot of pain at all my joints. Some mornings I told my husband: I'm just going to be really arthritic as I get older - that's just how it is.
The anxiety. Oh I can't even tell you how awful this was. Anxiety about almost everything. I think I'm only now beginning to recover from the emotional toll this took on me.

As I read over what I've written so far, you must think that I feel really sorry for myself. But I never really thought that I had an underactive thyroid. And I try to not dwell on the negative in my life. So I wasn't a miserable person (with the exception of the all-encompassing anxiety). I tried to excersise and eat right. I liked to go on walks in high school. I liked to go to the gym in college. I learned how to adapt to the cold: dress warmer and wear hats. I learned how to deal with my personal weight issues: first I had to accept the fact that I would never have a perfect figure...somehow that made me able to focus less on eating and in turn I ate heathier. When I got tired I took naps instead of trying to study more. When I got anxious or depressed (prior to having a family) I worked out or slept. That was my way to cope. And I was a happy person. So I didn't dwell on the bad and never thought of having an underactive thyroid.

Like I mentioned earlier, after my second child, anxiety pretty much took over my life. You know that feeling, that rush of adrenaline you have when something is falling over and you reach out to grab it? That is how I felt with almost every movement that was going on around me. Just constant waves of adrenaline. A person can only take so much of that.

After a couple emotional breakdowns I went into the doctor to get on some anxiety medicines. He put me on an antidepressant as well as an anti-anxiety medication to take as needed. I noticed an immediate difference in the anxiety and thought my life had changed for the better. After about two weeks of being on the antidepressant I started having more anxiety problems. I felt like my throat was swelling up. I couldn't sleep and couldn't function very well. Thank goodness I had asked my mother in law to come up for a few days to help out. The timing was a huge blessing. I took one day to go back to the doctors and get some help. I went to a different doctor who immediately suspected thyroid issues. She had me get a full-panel of blood work done as well as go in for a thyroid ultrasound. My results came in and surprise! I had an underactive thyroid! My TSH levels were close to 8.0. It's definitely possible to have higher levels. It's not like I was going to die or anything. But without treatment, the number was only going to go up. In addition, my T3 levels were a little off and my progesterone levels were WAY off. My progesterone was at post-menopausal range levels. I'm only 28! Well it turns out that there is a connection between your progesterone levels and an underactive thyroid.

My doctor put me on Levothyroxin (generic for Synthroid--the medicine Sarah takes), Armour Thyroid and a progesterone cream. Unfortuantely the cream isn't covered by my insurance. But I know it helps. Just this past week I think my thyroid was acting up. Monday I got really cold; my bones just wouldn't warm up. Tuesday I started to have more joint pain. Wednesday I got depressed. Thursday I got CRAZY emotional. Friday I started bleeding a week and a half before my period should have started. Once that happened it was like a light bulb went off! The cream is the hardest for me to be consistent with. I am supposed to apply it to my inner arm twice a day and I am really bad with remembering. After I started bleeding, I immediately started taking the cream again. In the 5 days since then I have felt so much more balanced and the bleeding stopped after two days.

It has been about 5 months since I have been on these new medications. My life has significantly improved. I am still on a low dose antidpressant for the anxiety but I am beginning the process of weaning myself off it. I rarely have to take my additional anxiety medication. Only about once or twice a month at this point.

I could go on and on about my experience and little connections I have made here and there. Basically I just wish I had gone into a doctor so much earlier and asked for thyroid test. I have had two pregnancies and it wouldn't have been a bit deal to ask for my TSH levels with everything else they were doing. (By the way, if you are pregnant and have an underactive thyroid it is essential that you take medicine).

Even if you get tested and your doctor isn't worried, it is important to know that different doctors treat underactive thyroids at different levels. My doctor told me that she would have started me on meds if I was in the 2.1 range because of all my symptoms. So the moral is that there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting a second opinion if you suspect an under-active thyroid!

Thanks Sarah for letting my talk about my experience! I have so much of a better outlook on life than I did a year ago and I know it is because of the help I've recieved. It wasn't at easy at the time to seek it out, but I can't imagine my life right now if I hadn't.

Thank you, Friend, for posting! I sure love this lady! It's been nice for me to have such a close friend battling thyroid issues right along side of me...not that I wish her hardships, but at times it's been nice to be able to call her up and say "I FEEL FREAKING CRAZY" and she totally understands what I'm feeling and why.

I really liked what she had to say about getting a second opinion. I 100% agree. I love Dr. L (as anyone who's read my blog for a while would know) but it took A LOT of work to find him. Do not settle. Get second opinions. Follow your gut feeling. Everyone deserves to be treated right, especially when it comes to your health and your standard of living. Don't settle!

Also, when it comes to your thyroid make sure your doctor, when he or she does labs, runs a "full-panel"- meaning he/she checks your T3, T4, TSH, and hormone levels.

***This post is part of a series I am doing because it's Thyroid Health Awareness Month. I am not a physician, nurse, or anything like that. I am a woman who's had to learn a lot about her thyroid in the past year. My almost-lawyer-husband would be so proud that I'm including the following: I am not liable for this information nor for the decisions you make based upon what I post. My hope is to teach people some basic thyroid information but if you have real concerns talk to your doctor!***

What is a Thyroid?

2012-01-18T15:27:00.002-06:00

Where is your thyroid?

source

What is your thyroid?

The thyroid is a gland. "The thyroid produces two hormones, triiodothyronine (T3) and thyroxine (T4), which regulate how the body uses and stores energy. Thyroid function is controlled by a gland located just below the brain, known as the pituitary. The pituitary produces thyroid stimulating hormone (TSH), which stimulates the thyroid to produce T3 and T4." (source: www.uptodate.com/patient, search- thyroid)

Why is your thyroid important?
Well, if you want to feel good--have energy (but not too much!), live without mood swings, and maintain proper weight--then you want your thyroid functioning properly. When a thyroid is over active it is called Hyperthyroidism, and if it is severe enough then it is Graves disease. When a thyroid is under active it is called Hypothyroidism. I have experienced both.

When my thyroid was first removed I was severely hypothyroid because I didn't have a thyroid (duh). I now have to take Synthroid every day for the rest of my life. Synthroid is just like it sounds- synthetic thyroid medicine. Eventually we found a good dose of medicine for me. Before this dose was found, hypothyroidism ruled my life. It Is Miserable. My hair fell out, I gained weight, I was depressed, I had no energy, I itched all over, and my periods were very heavy/painful. In a later post I will discuss more about Hypothyroidism.

Now, my doctor actually keeps me very close to Hyperthyroidism because he is suppressing my body for the first 5 years after cancer. He wants my dose of thyroid medicine to be so high that my pituitary gland has no reason to make TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) and thereby possibly grow cancerous thyroid cells. Hyperthyroidism, for me, causes hot flashes, anxiety, and a large appetite. Basically, I am a little buzzed when I take my medicine correctly (to clarify- thyroid meds are fickle. They have to be taken with a full glass (or two) of water and you can't eat at least 1/2 hour before and 1/2 hour after; you also can't take certain supplements within four hours of taking thyroid medicine). In a later post I will discuss more about Hyperthyroidism and how it is a hard disease for some people.

___________________________

Please let me know what specific questions you have!

Up Coming Posts:

Hypothyroidism (with a guest post!)

Hyperthyroidism

Thyroid Nodules

Thyroid Cancer Early Detection

Thyroid Health Awareness Month

2012-01-17T08:40:00.002-06:00

Did you know that January is Thyroid Health Awareness Month? I didn't until just now.

And it makes me really excited.

Have you ever had your thyroid checked by your doctor?

Have you ever checked it yourself?

Do you know the signs and symptoms of a malfunctioning thyroid?

Did you know that my thyroid function was 100% normal and I still had thyroid cancer?

Throughout the next week I'm going to try and answer these questions to the best of my knowledge by filling you in more on my experiences. Because my cancer was, thankfully, caught so early I'm going to live and thrive. But I'm not going to just talk about thyroid cancer. A poor functioning thyroid can have crippling affects on a person--one of my best friends has severe hypothyroidism, and she didn't know for years because her symptoms mimicked other issues.

So, let's learn more about our thyroids, shall we?

Derek ~1 Year Pics~ round 3

2012-01-13T14:48:00.002-06:00

Payt's giving kisses

Derek ~1 Year Pics~ round 2

2012-01-13T14:37:00.001-06:00

Derek ~1 Year Pics~ round 1

2012-01-13T14:01:00.000-06:00

About 3 weeks before his first birthday, my friend Sarah took pictures of our sweet, chubby Derek. It's amazing how much he's changed since these were taken, the most noticeable difference being how much he's thinned out! I'll be posting a million-literally-pictures of him from this session because I want all of them in our blog book (when I eventually get that printed), so please indulge me!

The most memorable thing about this afternoon was when the session ended. Sarah and I were about to plop Derek down in some weeds to take more pictures when Sarah saw a snake right as I heard it. My mommy-heart was about to beat out of my chest. Anyone who knows me knows that I am horrified of snakes, and to think that my baby had been in those weeds with snakes for over an hour. I felt so horrible. And blessed. We were certainly being watched over! I'm so grateful that this photo shoot didn't turn into a 911 call, because you better believe that I would have called the emergency squad even if it was a simple garden snake that bite my sweet baby.

Ticked!

2012-01-10T08:54:00.000-06:00

I've tried so hard for years to keep our city and the name of Brandon's school off our blog...and then I posted our Christmas letter. aaslkdsafl;jkfdsl;kjdsflkjdsfaljkadfslkjdsfjl;dsk;jahfe;wiaour! I've now blurred out the key words, but seriously, the crazy stalkers have already read it, I'm sure.

If anyone ever notices me slipping again, please let me know.

falksdjf;lajsd;fljasd;lkfj;ldsakjf;ldjf;dlajflkadsjf;lkaj ARG!

Christmas Letter

2012-01-09T15:33:00.003-06:00

I am really behind on blog posts. We were in California for a month, after all! I'm so behind I don't even know how to start. But I have been wanting to post this: we sent out a Christmas letter this year to a very small group of people (stamps are expensive!). If you didn't receive our letter it's not because we didn't want to send you one, it's just that we probably aren't blood related ;-).

To those of you who didn't get our letter, here it is. Merry Christmas/Happy New Year!

Hope and a Button

2012-01-08T08:33:00.002-06:00

I've never been one for blog buttons or blog advertisements. However, after reading about a family (that I don't know) I want to put their "button" on my sidebar. Please click it to see their webpage.

The night I read their story I had tears streaming down my cheeks. I checked on my boys many more times than usual throughout that night, each time offering a sincere prayer of gratitude that they were alive and well.

I'm humbled by this family, the Taylors, courage to find peace, hope, and beauty in losing two children. Please help them now adopt a sweet baby by reading their blog and spreading the word.

Family Pics- the whole shabang

2011-12-28T22:03:00.001-06:00

While visiting family for Christmas we had our pictures taken. I know this is picture overload, but my exhausted brain (1 croup baby and 1 dairy-filled toddler) just wants to get these posted asap.

Ma and Pa, aka Brandon's parents Allan and Karen

Brandon's siblings and parents

the family with daughter-in-laws and grandbabies

Sisters- Michayla, Kacey, Tori, and Kit

Brothers

Dustin, Brandon's brother, and his wife, my dear friend, Tara

Claire, Dustin, Tara, and Lydia

ClaireBear

Grandbabies

Goodbye Honda!

2011-12-27T15:09:00.000-06:00

Here the boys are cleaning out the car before the buyer showed up

It was a bittersweet day when we sold our Honda in November. Although our CRV had been a huge pain in the butt for almost a year, this was the car that we took our first date in, we left on our honeymoon in, Payt came home in, we moved across the country in, and we brought Derek home in. I'm not going to lie, I teared up when Lady was towed away by a Craigslist buyer. I miss her spacious trunk and roomy backseat, but mostly I miss all the moments associated with that car.

But our lovely Ford Fusion has a lot more horse power and better gas mileage, and we get to make even more memories! Plus the money we got for the Honda was pretty sweet.

Saying Goodbye

2011-12-27T12:06:00.001-06:00

Our dear friends, the Bartholicks, graduated law school this semester and went home to their job in Idaho. We are going to miss them so much! They were our first friends in Kansas, and it's going to be hard to not have them around anymore. This last semester both Sean and Brandon had Tuesday night classes, so after our kids naps Nani and I would get together and do dinner/let our kids play. I'm going to miss those nights! Night classes suck, let's be honest, so I loved that my kids and I had a buddy during that time. Love you guys!

The last night we saw the Bartholicks I took some pictures:

Derek, Payt, Kambry, and Marlee

Family Pics- Christmas 2011

2011-12-27T00:04:00.000-06:00

Christmas- early edition

2011-12-20T14:00:00.000-06:00

On December 10 we celebrated Christmas with my mom and Butch. It was a wonderful morning, and the boys were often overjoyed (and, perhaps, overwhelmed).

Butch had originally planned on being in Kansas for our Christmas, but some things came up so he was unable to make the drive. Thankfully we have modern technology and he skyped with us for all of Christmas morning!

The boys came down the stairs to find their new choo choo track and three stuffed dogs. The boys, of course, love the trains, and they have also become incredibly attached to the dogs. Payt calls the yellow dog a "kitty cat" and actually sleeps with it. In Derek's 13 month post I talked about how much DerBear loves the dogs and is always carrying them around by their tails.

Because my parents were recently sealed in the temple (my mom to Butch and my Dad to Rose) I was able to create a print for both my mom and dad that had their temple and the date on it. Here is my mom (and Butch) opening theirs.

For Christmas I got Brandon a new comfy blanket (which you can see in some of the pics- its plaid) because the boys and I have used and abused his old favorite. Brandon has declared that no children are allowed to use his new blanket! Brandon got me a food processor, and I couldn't be more excited. Seriously it was the only thing I wanted. I love to cook, and having this will make things a lot easier.

The only other thing that Brandon and I got our boys were books. I LOVE the books that we got them though. For Payt we found a train and airplane book that was full of real pictures, and explained what each picture was in toddler-friendly language. For DerBear I got him The Crown On Your Head by Nancy Tillman. This has to be my favorite children's book. I cried and cried the first time I read it. We have now integrated reading it into our bedtime routine (when we actually take time to have a routine!). In the picture where I am reading this book to the boys Derek actually ripped the first page just seconds after the pic was taken. Oh well. I should know better than to get a soft-paged book for a 1 year old, but I really want my boys to have this book!

So that was our (early) Christmas morning. It was sweet and simple. I have found that now that I'm a mother Christmas is so much more wonderful; there is something so special in seeing your kiddos joy over things that we've worked hard to get them. Perhaps I got a taste of what our Heavenly Father feels for us when we are grateful towards Him.

3Ls

2011-12-20T08:30:00.000-06:00

3L = third year law student

A few weeks ago one of our wonderful friends, Alison, and her husband Jake put together a party for the 3L JRC (the law society Brandon's apart of) students. I wanted to post this pic so I have a record of all of our faces!

Payt made this tree (from an ice cream cone) at the party

Tree Skirt

2011-12-19T21:21:00.000-06:00

My mom helped me make a tree skirt while she was visiting. I totally botched cutting the fleece the first time, so my sweet Mama took in my anger (at myself) and went and bought me more fabric! Thanks to her I, one, actually have a tree skirt now and, two, it looks really good!

I wanted something simple, but also wanted to make it personal. I decided that we'd start a tradition of putting our kiddos hand prints around the skirt's edge every year.

Later I wrote their names and the year on their hand prints. Payt's is on the left, Derek's the right.

Three Kings

2011-12-19T12:00:00.000-06:00

The boys' grandparents (Mark and Rose) got them the Fisher Price nativity this year! Oh my goodness. They LOVE it. I love it. We have been doing an advent calendar with scripture verses (from this year's Friend: Christmas ABCs) and every night Payt grabs his scriptures and the baby Jesus. It is so sweet. Both boys are constantly playing with the pieces, and Payt is always asking who's who. Payt can now say angel, Jesus, and Kings. He calls Joseph "Daddy" and Mary "B".

The funniest conversation about the nativity came between my mom and Payt:
Payt- who's that?
Mamal (as Payt calls her)- The three Kings
Payt, pointing to the things in the Wise Men's hands- what's that?
Mamal- gifts for the baby Jesus
Payt-oh! Milk (pointing to one of the wise man's gifts), Juice (pointing to the other) and eats (pointing to the third gift).

How sweet is that? In Payt's eyes the ultimate gifts for the baby Jesus are milk, juice, and eats (food). I love my sweet boys!

Christmas Eve- early edition

2011-12-18T22:07:00.000-06:00

We decided to celebrate most of our Christmas when my mom was still in town. On our Christmas Eve, Dec.9, we had our ward's Christmas party, got cupcakes, and opened our traditional Christmas PJs from my Mom.

The ward party was wonderful. I didn't get pictures, but my little Payton decided to participate with the primary age kids and be an angel. He looked so sweet with his halo. Another mom and I had to laugh about our two year old boys wanting to be angels...most of the time we don't feel that they are very heavenly ;), but this night it just melted my heart. He was acting like such a big kid. I asked one of the other angels (who was 7) to hold Payt's hand as they went on stage. Payt did well for about a minute, but then I started hearing "B? Bbbbb?" (B is what he calls me) and Payt started walking towards the edge of the stage. I ended up getting him off, but I was so proud of him for actually going up on stage without me for a few minutes.

Once we were home we opened our Christmas PJs. Payt squealed when he saw that his "Mamal" had gotten him "Choo Choo" pajamas. We then read scriptures and got the boys down. I then enjoyed setting up their "new" train track (it is a hand-me-down from my brother Jared).

Goop

2011-12-18T17:07:00.000-06:00

As one of Payt's sensory activities I made him cornstarch goop! This stuff is so much fun. It is constantly bouncing between being a solid and being a liquid. It's magical :)

To make the goop, in a bowl mix about 1C of cornstarch and enough water to make it feel like clay--not too wet, not too hard. I then dumped it into a cookie sheet to make it easier for Payt to play with it.

Because Payt does not like smooth textures he never did actually touch the goop without immediately wiping his hands. However, once I added some drops of food coloring and gave him a knife and a back hoe he did play with it via his utensils.

13 Months

2011-12-12T22:55:00.001-06:00

Life is beyond crazy right now, and I have so much to blog about (my mom was just here for a week and a half, after all). I'm going to *try* to blog about all of our early Christmas festivities and whatnot within the next week or two, but it is a crazy time of year so we'll see...

For now, I wanted to record some Derek-facts (before I forget) since he is almost 13 months:

-Derek is now signing milk, more, and paci (which he just picked up from watching Payt!).
-Derek has started saying "more" and "vrrrooom"
-He loves to dance
-My sweet boy loves the plastic golf clubs we have. He carries them around and bangs on anything in sight.
-This month Derek started eating more of a variety of food. I hope he keeps it up! He's really loved strawberries and blueberries.
-I'm trying to remember when we started letting Payton sleep with a pillow because Derek is obsessed with them, but I do not yet feel comfortable leaving him with one over night (although I have been letting him drift off at night with a Boppy in his bed that I later remove)
-For Christmas my mom gave Derek and Payt three stuffed dogs. Derek LOVES them and becomes so happy when he sees them. He is constantly carrying them around by their tails and loving on them. It is so sweet.
-DerBear can now stand up in the middle of the floor unassisted. He can also bend over and pick things up without falling over.
-This past week he has really been chewing on everything, so I'm wondering if he is FINALLY teething. Yes, that is right. Derek does not have any teeth yet.
-Despite a pretty good month, Derek has come down with a very mild case of croup and he has a little ear infection. Honestly, if we weren't going to be so busy this week I wouldn't have even taken him to the doctor yet, but I did and he's on meds (which he hates taking).
-He's 26lbs and wears size 18-24 month clothing.
-Derek has done surprisingly well this month as we visited my Dad and my mom was in town. He is extremely clingy to me, but he seems to really adore his grandparents...after a few days ;)
-The last thing I can think of right now is that he loves animals! He used to be terrified of them, but he really enjoys dogs and cats now.

One Time We Went To The Dairy Farm

2011-12-08T14:30:00.001-06:00

Early in November Payton and I went to a local dairy farm for church play group. So cool (literally and figuratively). We didn't take the official tour, rather we just let the kiddos roam around and pet the cows. It was awesome! That day Payt learned how to say cow. I heard, "B, I wan wan wan cooowss" over and over again. Then, once the farm dogs showed up he was far more interested in following them around, and as we left he was crying for the dogs.

This is my scarf on Payt, but he loves it.

He loved it when the cows licked him!

One Time We Went To The Zoo

2011-12-08T14:16:00.001-06:00

Wayyyyy back in late Septemeber we went to a free night at the zoo. We've been to our (~~lame~~ small) zoo before and, eh, it's just been okay. BUT this time it was awesome--the animals were out and Payt loved it. It was past regular hours (translation: dinner time for the animals) and Payt was finally old enough to take great interest in the animals.

The funniest part of the night was when about ten kids (Payt included) were standing in front of the cougar exhibit, and one of the cougars (who had already been chasing the other cougar around) came and pounced on the glass in between him and the kids. Some kids cried, some kids cheered, and all of the kids jumped back a few feet. Payt loved it, naturally!

Payt and a monkey

Sleepy lion

Oh Christmas Tree

2011-11-28T13:54:00.001-06:00

The boys were going stir crazy, to say the least, Sunday evening so this Mama decided to break out the Christmas tree. They LOVE it. Derek loves taking ornaments off the tree, and Payton loves creating a truck village under the tree. My mom is coming for a visit tomorrow and I'm hoping we can make a real tree skirt.

Derek was pretty lethargic during the whole process. Poor boy.

DC: Temple

2011-11-28T13:30:00.001-06:00

be sure to read our previous trip posts below this one!

On Friday we all went to to DC Temple to witness the sealing of my Dad and Rose. Because I'm crunched for time right now I ask you to please read THIS previous post that I wrote about temples and sealings if you want to know what I'm talking about :).

It was a beautiful day and I'm so grateful we were able to witness their sealing. I also loved being in the temple with my dear Brandon and being reminded of our own sealing/wedding. I'm so blessed!

Here's EVERYone at dinner, from left to right: Derek, Sarah, Matt, Nick, Jared, Dad, Jess, Ayaka, Jon, Rose, Payt, Brandon

DC: Thanksgiving Day

2011-11-28T13:22:00.001-06:00

Read more about our trip HERE, HERE, and HERE

I've determined that the only bad thing about traveling far for Thanksgiving is that we can't take home any leftovers! This year's meal was fabulous--much better than the meal I made last year when Derek was barely two weeks old.

Don't let his full mouth fool you. He barely ate a thing! Payt has a hard time eating when there are a lot of people!

DC: Going Into DC

2011-11-28T12:33:00.001-06:00

Previous DC posts: HERE and HERE

On Wednesday most of us ventured into the heart of DC to do the "mall" which is most of the monuments. It was colder than I expected, but we still had a great time. I especially loved that we ended our day with a trip to Georgetown Cupcakes. Ohmygoodness. These cupcakes were amazing. Even waiting outside (yes the line to get in the store was that long) in the cold rain for an hour was worth it!

See the socks on his hands? My poor kiddos. I was not prepared for the cold and wind!

Payton with Jessie at the Korean war memorial

Love these two! Lincoln monument.

"CHHEESE!" To say Payt was OBSESSED with the Washington Monument would be an understatement. I have no idea what caused the fascination, but throughout our day he always had to know where it was, and he was constantly asking to go closer to it. Funny boy!

Payt's recently learned "up" and "down", so all along the these chains he run his hands up and down, while narrorating his movements.

Derek saw Payton doing his up and down thing, and Derek had to join in. He's starting to copy Payton so much!

Payton, again, with his beloved monument!

Payt's only in this picture because he had to pee, haha (and he's not stoned, even though it looks that way ;). Everyone except for Brandon and me were in the van while Brandon and I waited in line at Georgetown Cupcakes

Even though the line was super long, I enjoyed my time just me and my sweetheart!

DC: Dogs and Cats

2011-11-28T12:19:00.001-06:00

Before we visited last week I was pretty wary of the fact that my Dad and Rose have two dogs and two cats. My boys never seem to know how to act around animals, and it often becomes quite stressful. However, they did great! The sweetest thing is that their anti-social cat actually watched over my boys; she was always aware of where they were and often laid right next to where they were playing.

Payton and Sweet Pea. Sweet Pea, the anti social cat, was always found near my boys.

Derek eyeing Michael

Fat Cat Annie

I really loved their dogs. They're high strung, but so sweet. In my lap is Gloria.

Here I am with my very own wild animals!

DC, Thanksgiving, and More

2011-11-28T12:09:00.001-06:00

Phew. What a week we just had! I'm exhausted, as are all three of my boys...but we had a fabulous trip to DC to see my Dad, Rose (stepmom), Jess and Jared (half siblings), JonMichael (stepbrother), Nick (brother) and Matt (Nick's friend).

The Saturday before Thanksgiving Payton, Derek, and I flew to DC. Brandon came later (Tuesday night). Honestly, I really struggled going solo on this trip. The boys were pretty agitated, clingy, and didn't sleep the first few days. Suffice it to say, I was really glad when Daddy showed up! And, suffice it to say, I am stocking up on Benadryl when we go to California for Christmas! Derek refused to sleep on the plane, so there was a lot of tears.

Anyway, despite the rough days in the beginning the week turned out great! We played games as a family, ate delicious food for Thanksgiving, toured the monuments in DC, GOT GEORGETOWN CUPCAKES!!!!!! (can you tell this was a major highlight of my trip? haha), did Black Friday shopping (never again!), went to the DC temple, and more.

I'm now going to do individual posts on each of the above mentioned items. If I heaped all my pics together this post would be too long!

FHE

2011-11-22T20:04:00.001-06:00

The boys and I are currently visiting my Dad and his family (and Nick and his friend Matt) in DC. Tonight we had Family Home Evening, which is a night set aside each week to have a spiritual thought followed by some family time. Jess decided that we'd do Minute To Win It games for our family time.

When the boys weren't emptying the cupboards, Payt was really into the games. He LOVED yelling "GOOO" and was our official game-starter-person. Derek, true to his nature, got overwhelmed quickly but actually let someone other than me hold him for a minute so I could even play a game.

Here are pictures from our evening:

Nick and Jess battleing it out!

Matt, Nick, and Payt

Love Jared's face!

Party Time

2011-11-17T12:46:00.001-06:00

I probably should not be calling today's lunch a party because there were no games, decorations, or gifts...but we did have friends over and cake to celebrate Derek's recent birthday!

I have awesome friends! I just feel blessed today to have such wonderful little boys and such wonderful friends who put up with the cramped chaos that is my home!

Lincoln, Payton, Wyatt, Ei, Asher, Maggie, Marlee (floor) and Derek

1 Year

2011-11-16T13:06:00.001-06:00

My little DerBear turned one on Monday. So crazy! I had wanted to do a lunch with friends, but we all had a stomach bug last week and it lingered longest with Derek. I didn't think cake would go so well on an upset tummy. Soon, we'll have a little get-together and he'll get his cake :).

Monday was not without celebration, though. As a family we had dinner and cookies and opened presents. The boys--Payton more so than Derek, naturally--went nuts over the "new" toys. The thing is, all the gifts from Brandon and myself were toys of Payton's that had been put away over a year ago. Yes, we're cheap. But the boys haven't cared at all! I need to rotate toys more often.

Pizza for dinner:

Followed by gifts:

Derek did NOT like tissue paper! He kept backing away when I'd get it near him!

Birthday cookies:

Derek's one year stats:

Weight: 23.5lbs (60th percentile)

Length: 31.5 inches (60th percentile)

Head: I don't remember the measurement, but it was the 90th percentile

I was surprised by Derek's weight. I have felt that he's lost weight since he started walking and because of the stomach virus, but I didn't think it'd be that low. Last time he was weighed, 6 weeks ago, he was 25 pounds. My little chunk is thinning out!

I don't even know what to say about Derek. It's overwhelming to try and describe your child on paper. How does one describe all the pieces that make a personality? I will try, though...

-Derek is clingy to me, and if he can see me he wants me to be holding him
-Derek LOVES to wrestle with Payton. They get quite intense, and Derek is always the winner. Payt is so gentle and never fights back.
-Derek loves music, and I often see his feet bouncing in his carseat as we drive around town listening to the radio
-Derek can say "Mama" and signs "milk" (which sign he uses as a generic 'feed me now'/'give me more food')
-Sometimes I wonder if he, too, has some sensory processing issues. I spoke with Dr. L about it and he said to give Derek another month of observance, but if certain things (like, for instance, head banging) do not go away then we'll have him evaluated by the same group that Payt receives therapy through.
-He is a climber!
-Derek has not grown out of his picky eating phase. These picky eating boys are driving me nuts. Seriously, it is a huge stress in my life. Our life, quite simply, is dictated by food and food allergies.
-Derek, like his brother, is an early riser. They both get up between 5:45 and 6:15 every morning.
-Derek's temperament has really evolved recently. He's no longer the chill baby. He has an opinion and he is quite loud in expressing it. I'm sure this new found use of his voice will be tailored as he gets older, but I can no longer say he is the calming influence in my life :). However this, I believe, comes with any 1-year-old's territory.
-Derek LOVES LOVES LOVES LOVES LOVES LOVES (I could go on with the "loves") his pacifier. I thought Payt had an addiction, but Derek's is far worse. haha. Derek also has also added two blankets to his lovey collection. His bird, Elvis, is still a must-have.
-He is shy, and not very quick to give a smile to a stranger. It can take a lot for Derek to feel calm/secure in new environments and around new people.

DerBear is a blessing in our lives. This year has flown by, and I can't imagine life without him. Derek, I truly believe, is a special gift to me from Heavenly Father. If I hadn't of had Derek I wouldn't have been going to the doctor and we would not have found the cancer. As I fought the cancer and all the emotions that come with such a diagnosis Derek was always there for me to hold. Many hours I'd just rock him, and I'd feel the love of not only my son, but my Heavenly Father's Son. Many days Derek has been the sole reason that I pressed on and didn't give into negative emotions. Not to say that Brandon and Payton aren't powerful influences in my life, but a newborn/young baby requires so much of its mother that I had to be strong for him.

Thank you, Sweet Boy, for choosing us. I feel so blessed to be your mother and I love you with all my heart. Happy Birthday, Chunky Monkey.

Birthday Boy

2011-11-14T20:58:00.001-06:00

Peek-A-Boo!

Guess who had a birthday today?

"Me!"

More birthday grandness to come when this tired mommy can get her head on straight. Suffice it to say, for now, that I am so grateful for this squishy guy. I am blessed to be his Mama.

Read his birth story Here, Here, and Here.

Not Ready

2011-11-08T19:31:00.000-06:00

I wish time would stop or even rewind. I'm not ready to have a one year old Derek. I miss my helpless, non-temperamental newborn that I nursed, rocked, and sung over. Not that an "old" baby doesn't have its perks (I definitely get more sleep!) but I love tiny, wrinkly newborns who aren't in the least bit mischievous or squirmy.

Derek, less than a week old

Derek took his first-more-than-just-one-step steps Oct. 27, but it wasn't until this past Wednesday that he's really started walking efficiently :). Derek now walks 50% of the time, and he's falling less and less. Payt think it's hilarious when Derek walks. He often tries to "help" him, which results in both of them falling down.

As you watch these videos please note that, one, my house is typically messy. So be it. Two, Payt does have "real" clothes and I do make him wear them on occasion ;). But I'm also totally fine with him running around in his underwear when we're home...as you will see.

My Two Cents on Cloth Diapering

2011-11-02T13:29:00.001-05:00

First, an apology. I'm sorry for ever saying cloth diapering was only for those moms who were far more granola-y than me. I'm sorry for ever saying that I could never keep up on washing cloth diapers. I'm sorry for ever saying disposables were easier than cloth.

Second, no person or company has asked me to write this, and I'm not getting compensation in any form. Although, if Cotton Babies would like to send me some diapers I wouldn't turn them down ;).

Moving on...

Now that I've been cloth diapering (CD) for over 5 months, I feel the need to kick myself. Seriously, why didn't I do this earlier? IT IS SO EASY, People. I've had the naysayers try and convince me otherwise (and I used to be one of them) but I've learned that they just have no idea what they're talking about because they haven't tried doing cloth.

There are many varieties of cloth diapers on the market. I, personally, have found that the Flip brand of diapers works best for us when used with an organic cotton insert.

A little about Flip diapers:

1. Flip diapers are "one size", meaning they have many snaps so I can custom fit them to almost any sized baby. I love "one-size" diapers because when Payt was still in diapers I could easily put the same diaper on him or Derek.

source

My quick picture of one of our Flip covers

2. Flip diapers are made of two pieces: an outer shell and an insert. I love this feature because if Derek has only peed or had solid poop I only have to change the insert, not the cover. Less laundry and less bulk in the diaper bag.

Here is the inside of a cover and an organic insert (already folded)

Here is the cover with the insert inside...
so if Derek's poop hasn't gone beyond the insert I only have to change inserts when it's time for a fresh diaper.

3. Flip sells 3 different type of inserts: organic, stay-dry, and disposable.

I LOVE the organic inserts. They are highly absorbent and, hands down, the best insert I have used. They are well worth the extra cost.
The stay-dry inserts are made of microfiber and suede; while they work well they do not last long in a diaper (my boys are extremely heavy wetters).
I also love that I can put a disposable insert in the diapers. When we went to Omaha a few weeks ago I was able to put a Flip cover on Derek and put a disposable insert inside so the babysitter (hi, Alison!), who's never done cloth diapers, was able to easily change him. Please note, though, that now that Derek's bum is used to soft cotton he gets rashes quite quickly when using a disposable liner or a disposable diaper. I have to keep diaper cream on hand when he's in anything disposable.

4. You can use other brand of inserts in your Flips. I actually have found that regular-buy-at-wal-mart-in-the-auto-section mirco fiber towels are so absorbent, and they are my "go to" if I am out of organic cotton inserts.

Moving on, the biggest down side to Flip diapers is that I often have to touch wet/poopy inserts if I am not changing the cover. This doesn't really bother me because I always just wash my hands. BUT if I am out in public, like this morning when Derek pooped at the mall, I don't even bother with trying to only change the insert because I want to get things done quickly. So, this morning, even though his cover wasn't soiled, I went ahead and changed the whole diaper just for ease because we were out in public.

I often get asked, WHAT DO YOU DO WITH THE POOP? Well, I used to use flushable liners (which I talked about in THIS post) but now I am so, dare I say, comfortable with the messes that I don't even bother with the flushable liners.

When it comes to poop, first let me say this: you have to have somewhere to store the dirty diapers until they get washed. For me, I use a wet bag. So when Derek poops I take the dirty diaper and shake off the poop and dirty wipes into the toilet... I know you're not suppose to flush wipes, but I haven't had any toilet problems doing this. Sometimes his poop is quite gooey and doesn't just plop off into the toilet. Times like these I move my already opened wet bag right next to me, and I give the poopy diaper a good dunk and swish in the toilet water (typically my finger tips do not get wet in this process). I then plop the wet diaper in the wet bag, wash my hands, and I'm done. It's really not that bad. At all. EVEN BRANDON DOES IT, and he is not a bodily fluids type of guy. Soon I am going out of town for two days, and he will not have any problems keeping the boys in cloth the whole time.

The next thing I often get questions about is THE COST OF CLOTH DIAPERS. While the initial investment is expensive, just five months later I am already saving money. To cloth diaper BOTH boys for one day, I needed at least 6 covers and 20 inserts (to be on the safe side). Not all of my inserts were the Flip organic cotton, but I did spend at least $300 to get started. However, I was spending between $60-$80 a month on disposables so, as you can see, it hasn't taken me long to start saving money.

Next, HOW DO YOU WASH CLOTH DIAPERS. Ugh. I hate laundry, but the only reason that I struggle with washing my cloth diapers is because we have extremely "hard" water. This causes build up in the diapers, so I have to strip them once a month otherwise they smell of ammonia. Anyway, it's important to use the right detergent with cloth diapers. I use Country Save. HERE is a good link about washing Flips. I wash my diapers every other night. For someone like me who HATES washing laundry, this really isn't that bad because washing the diapers has become part of our bedtime routine with the boys: boys go to bed, Sarah puts diapers in wash, Sarah goes to bed (typically Brandon stays up longer), Brandon puts diapers in dryer before he goes to bed, Sarah wakes up in the morning to clean, dry diapers.

Okay, well, now I'm boring myself. But I hope this helped any of you who might be thinking about CDing to take the plunge. I'm so glad I did! It is so easy and so worth it. The reason I feel that CDing is easier than disposable diapering is because I was always stressed about running out of diapers and/or not having the correct sizes as my boys grew. I never could stock up because I never knew what size they would need in the next few months. With cloth these aren't issues at all.

Happy Halloween!

2011-10-29T22:24:00.003-05:00

I'm really not a Halloween fanatic (in fact it can be a pretty annoying holiday), but it was fun dressing up the boys this year to go to our church dinner and trunk-or-treat! Payt was even saying "woof, woof" by the end of the night. Yay for new words!

He is such a climber!

I wish I remembered what he was saying!

Classic Payton face!

Using his imagination, pretending to be a dog! Way to go Payt!

I sure do love these two boys! Their Dad is pretty fantastic, too :).

One thing to remember from tonight is that Payt did NOT want to wear his costume. At all. He kept unzipping it and revealing his choo-choo undies. The thing is, for two weeks he's been begging to wear it. In fact, one night I woke up because I could hear him walking around; he met me in the hallway with his dog costume in hand saying "og? og? pweeze"! This past Tuesday I let him play in it all evening, and he was thrilled! But not tonight. Naturally. Eventually, once we were at church, he was content in it, but seriously...kids are so strange!

I Never Knew an Ankle Could Be So Humbling

2011-10-27T23:09:00.000-05:00

Right now I'm trying to trust--trust that there is a reason for this weak ankle of mine. The only true cure is to never run again. I could have another surgery, but there's no guarantee that seven years later it won't be hurting again. Plus, Dr. L told me that very few surgeons would want to reopen this part of my ankle.

My options for exercise are now reduced to yoga (bah! Hate it!), cycling (never tried and quite costly to get started, especially since I'd need a bike trailer), and swimming (kind of afraid of the deep end plus I'd need a gym membership). I've recently started walking/jogging again with a double jogging stroller, and my ankle has flared up quite painfully. Dr. L's referred me onto an orthopedic surgeon, who I will see in two weeks. I might try some more PT and see about getting a special brace because I really want to run. Heck, at this point I'd just like to be able to walk fast! I just...it's what makes me feel happy, and it's something I can do for free with my boys.

I had ankle surgery in 2004 for Ankle Osteochondritis Dissecans (ankle OCD) and haven't had too many problems until now. I couldn't run in high school because of the surgery (still healing) and I was super busy doing other things. Then at SVU I did a lot of treadmill running which doesn't hurt as bad. Then I got prego, and three years later I'm trying to start back up.

And now, here I am, trying to swallow the pill that I may just have to find another sport. I feel like a big baby, but this makes me so sad! Surely there is a reason for this. The Lord must have a purpose! Something like this that has played a role in my life for such a long time (and will, apparently, continue to play a long role) must be here for a reason. But right now it just kind of sucks. I want to exercise, because it helps me fight depression and it sets a good example for my kids. But right now hard impact is out.

Swimming or biking--what is it going to be? And how the heck am I going to get the money for either of them? Time to pray and trust. Sometimes that's hard to do...which is so pitiful because time and time again the Lord proves that He always knows best and only does what's best for me.

Deep breath.

Romans 8:28 - And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose

Fruit Farm

2011-10-26T20:04:00.001-05:00

Today play group was at a local fruit farm. We went on a hay ride, picked pumpkins, toured their orchard and cleaning/sorting/packaging plant, and got some yummy treats...all for $3 a person. Talk about a deal! I'm glad I only spent $6 (Derek was free) because I was pretty stressed out the whole time. Payt threw a tantrum and was, generally, unwilling to stand still. Quite typical for him, yes, but I'm not going to avoid activities just because he doesn't want to cooperate because, deep down, I know these things are good for him. Eventually he'll learn that there are benefits to listening and having patience, right? Two year old boys are so fun! ;)

The kids waiting for the apples to come down the conveyor belt

On the hay ride with Nani and Ms. Marlee!

Actually, now that I think about it, the fact that Payt is a boy is really awesome in some ways. For example, right before we were to start our ride through the orchard Payt signed that he needed to pee. Well, dang, I have Derek in an Ergo and the only bathroom was a porter-potty. Passing Derek off to Sarah, I jumped out of the trailer, grabbed Payt, and he stood next to the tractor and did his thing. Easy. In that way, boys are easy. Thankfully he didn't need to poop.

Derke was so sleepy and grouchy. The boys had gotten up at 5:10(!!!) this morning and
he didn't take a good morning nap!

The gorgeous ladies Maggie and Sarah, and the handsome men Payton and Eli

ANYway, it was a little chilly and wet but overall I'm glad we went. I think Payt is too. Today I've been prompting him a lot to "remember the (tractor, apples, etc) at the farm" and he seems to get excited.

He also ate his first Pop Rocks today. I thought for sure that would be one awesome sensory experience for his mouth, but he didn't seem to care at all. Oh well :).

Hope.

2011-10-24T14:14:00.002-05:00

Last night, at the close of my weekend, I felt utterly spent. To say it had been a busy, patience-trying weekend would be an understatement. I went to bed with a heavy heart fearing what today would bring.

Payton has not been easy lately, to say the least. Yesterday he reduced me to tears twice, and I wanted to pull my hair out in frustration. He can be completely unmanageable at times, and it is causing a lot of stress.

So today when his speech and physical therapists came over I had a whole list of questions for them. I felt overwhelmed and, honestly, I was breaking a little. Payt's wearing me out. I love him to death, but he's wearing me out.

However, they gave me hope. Alisha taught me deep tissue massage and joint compression. Sarah fitted him for orthotics and a compression vest. All of these things will help him with the sensory processing and the tantrums. We also discussed the outcome of his ADOS testing (the standardized test for Autism)--which I will get into more detail next week after we meet with the psychologist.

As we massaged Payt he completely relaxed for the first time in days. He keep saying "mo, pweeze, mo pweeze." He was happy. This has been pretty rare lately.

I'm so excited to get his orthotics and compression vest. Both will help him, hopefully, to be more aware of where his body is in space; therefore, he will be better able to control his emotions.

I feel hopeful now. Hopeful that Payt will thrive and be happy. For example, Payt had one of his worst tantrums to date about 45 minutes ago. He was hitting, screaming, and sobbing. It was awful. After I got us inside, and put Derek to bed, I was able to focus on Payton. I put him into a-size-too-small pajamas (which cause compression), put on his essential oils, laid him in bed, and did joint compressions. Within a minute of laying down he was quiet. I've never had him be able to calm down so quickly. And now he is sound asleep.

So now I blog, feeling an overwhelming amount of hope and peace. I'm so grateful for his therapists, our insurance, and all of our friends and family that have helped Payton and me.

I'm also grateful for my Father in Heaven. This morning as I anxiously awaited the therapists' visit (anxious because I was finding out the results of the ADOS) I got on Pinterest. By clicking a pin about organizing, I was taken to this lady's blog whose job, it seems, is to help people get organized. However, one of her tabs was about her son and their journey with Autism. I soaked up all of her information and felt so comforted. I know the Lord lead me to this site so I could find peace and help.

I love my Payton. I know the Lord uses him to mold me into a better woman. Some days feel like the refiners fire, but--don't get me wrong--Payt also brings an incredible amount of joy to our life. He is extremely loving and, generally, very obedient. My life wasn't even close to complete until I started having children. They really are a blessing. I wouldn't trade Payton, or his quirks, for anything.

Exhaustion Speaks

2011-10-21T17:00:00.000-05:00

The following was our conversation two nights ago at about 11:45:

Brandon- what is 18 divided by 3?

*pause* (we are both thinking for a minute)

Brandon- 7?

Sarah- What? Umm, no that'd be 21.

*pause*

Sarah- I think it's like 5-point-something. I don't know

*pause*

Brandon- oh wait. It's 6.

Can you tell we were tired?

Bittersweet

2011-10-20T19:33:00.001-05:00

Today Derek started on milk. No more formula for our little guy because I couldn't justify spending $20 on formula when he's going to be 1 in three weeks.

Today Derek took his first ten unassisted steps.

His growing up is harder on me than when Payt reached these milestones--maybe because when Payt was this age I was already pregnant again.

I love you Derek, and I truly am grateful you're developing properly, but I am missing my little cuddle bug. You don't even want held while you drink from your bottle or sippy, but you do want held when I am making dinner and trying to pee (not that I do those two things at once...). Irony.

Wake up!

2011-10-19T09:00:00.002-05:00

This morning the boys were not happy when cartoons went off and we had to get going for the day. Once they begrudgingly got upstairs, they were thrilled when I turned on a little Miley Cyrus. Don't go judging me. I do like her music. Payt started dancing like crazy! Enjoy!

11 Months

2011-10-16T10:00:00.000-05:00

Stealing Payton's paci!
Derek seems to know exactly what he's doing because he'll put it in his mouth, giggle,
and go right up to Payton. Turd.

While trying to soothe a cranky, coughing, non-sleeping baby at 4am this morning I realized that his 11 Month mark occurred this past week. Now I am home from church with both boys watching them play and watch Chuggington. It's going to be one of those days--you know where mom can barely keep her eyes peeled open and the tv is on more than is normal.

Every time Derek breathes out a huge snot bubble forms from his left nostril. Just saying. You wanted that visual didn't you?

Anyway, yes, Derek has been sick-ish this past week (or two? my brain is fuzzy). I think I may take both boys into the doctor tomorrow or Tuesday because every now and then I've heard a tiny wheeze out of Derek. I've hesitated to take him in before now (long drive, kids hate the doc) because Dr. L hates prescribing antibiotics--which is a good thing, don't get me wrong--and if I'd taken him in last week he'd have just said it was only colds or allergies. But now I think it may be progressing for both of them.

Despite the near constant whiny-ness Derek still loves to eat (certain foods)

So this last month has been a little "off" with Derek being sick. He's not sleeping well at all, and I'm not even sure it's tied to sickness. He's found his voice and knows how to use it when he's annoyed/angry/impatient. He'd much rather be ~~taking things from his brother~~ playing or eating than sleeping.

Derek is now a super picky eater. I think (hope) it's a phase. This past month he realized that he can throw his non-preferred foods on the floor and scream for things he loves. It's fun, let me tell ya. However, in the past week he has decided he will drink from a sippy cup. Thank goodness. Hopefully the transition to no bottles isn't as bad as I once thought it was going to be.

For the first time we let him have noodle and sauce by himself last night.

Likes:
Paci--he's obsessed
Payton
Climbing stairs
Pasta
Trucks (he crawls, rolling them across the floor)
Our toy bus
Swinging
The fish tank
Pulling baby wipes out of their container
Having an attitude
Dancing
Baths
Running his fingers through hair (this is what he does to self soothe)
Pushing buttons. He's definitely learning cause and effect.

Dislikes:
Beans
Peaches
Baby gates
Getting dressed
Not being held by mommy
Sleeping through the night
Mr. Sucky (blue blub syringe)
Getting his diaper changed
Sharing
Being cold

Some other things about Derek that I just remembered:
He is hard to make laugh, unless you're Payton. He thinks anything Payton does is funny.
He rarely smiles with his teeth...if he had any teeth. Basically he smiles without opening his mouth. We have to work super hard for him to smile full fledged.
He's quite wary of strangers and very rarely smiles at them, but he is no longer screaming when someone he doesn't know talks to him.
He's methodical. He observes things before he tries them out.
He's a Mama's boy.

I love you, Derek. Let's sleep more tonight, okay?

Sensory and Transfer Play

2011-10-12T20:05:00.002-05:00

Afternoons are brutal in our house. The time between naps and dinner is not long enough to go and do something ultra exciting (plus we rarely have the car in the afternoon), but it is long enough for all of us to get bored quite quickly. Thus, every other day I try to do something school-ish with Payt. Since his vocab is so limited (although improving greatly) we do a lot of hands on things, and I try and teach him a new word(s).

A few weeks ago we did a sensory and transfer activity where we talked about "beans" and "dump"-ing, "white" and "brown". He is really accustomed to beans, so the feel of them didn't upset him like, for example, sand does. Which reminds me, I need to buy sand and do an activity with it because he melts down when he comes in contact with sand.

Anyway, Payton loves pouring and dumping (as most kids do), but his therapists have told me that this is an especially perfect activity for Payt. As he transfers the weight of objects from one thing to another--especially, for example, pouring water from a cup in your right hand to a cup in your left--he will train his brain to feel things more "normally". Payt loves hard impact, but throwing himself onto the ground over and over again isn't exactly the best thing for him. Activities such as this are used to help him learn to process the feel--or the weight--of things more accurately.

"CHEESE"

I love how hard he concentrated on this! Eventually he got bored with scooping the beans, so instead he would (try to) pick up a full metal bowl and dump it into another metal bowl. It certainly was messy, but he played with this for a long time, and hopefully it helped him learn.

Love you, Payt!

What Once Was Lost...

2011-10-11T18:34:00.001-05:00

Now is found. Seriously. Our camera is back. Of course it was in the tiniest little corner of the couch, and we could only see the arm (?) band that's connected to it when we moved one cushion a certain way. Another sit on that cushion and the camera would have been lost into the base of the couch.

Lost Camera

2011-10-11T08:05:00.000-05:00

I know, I know, I am ALWAYS losing stuff. I was never the best at keeping track of things, so when you add two little boys each with two happy hands my stuff wanders even further. Thus, we recently got a house phone. I was so tired of loosing my cell, and I always worried that in an emergency I'd not be able to find my phone...

But anyway, once again, our camera is also missing. For the past week I have literally tore apart the house looking for it (I've even begun to wonder if it was stolen!). I've said multiple prayers, but to no avail. Honestly, the Lord typically helps us find whatever is missing; it might take a couple of days (sometimes it's instantaneous after we pray), but the thought normally comes. But not this time, at least not yet. Surely there is a lesson I am suppose to be learning...

I'm really starting to fret here. We just bought our camera in August after our other one went on the fritz. It's not that spectacular of a camera, but for poor college kids with two little boys it did it's job just fine.

Now I worry about missing out on lots of pictures, especially of Derek. I feel like I don't have that many pictures of him. During the past two weeks, a handful of stories about little boys passing away have been brought to my attention. Of course this makes my mommy heart heavy, so I am even more determined to find my camera so I can capture every moment with my sweet boys.

I honestly have no idea why I'm even blogging this, but I've been so stressed out over this camera! I did find our old camera last night, so even though it acts up, when it does decide to take a pic they come out fine...so if I can find the charger for that then maybe that'll buy us another week or two to look for our newer camera.

Seriously, I am so dependent on technology.

Oh, and this morning I woke up to find a grocery bag sitting on the counter full of $40 worth of meat that I bought last night. Thankfully, because yesterday was truly a no-good-day, I'd already told Brandon (before I found the meat) that I wasn't going to let things ruin my day today... But really, $40??? I don't even care if it's food stamps (yes, it was) because I have to budget our food tightly to not spend more than we're allotted each month.

But I'm taking a deep breath and trusting the Lord. Maybe there was something wrong with the meat. Maybe I just need to learn to slow down and be more thorough. Maybe there's a reason why my camera just can't be found.

Regardless, today is going to be a better day than yesterday. Putting things in perspective in my journal last night I wrote, "A bad day with my boys is certainly better than any day without them."

And now I'm rambling...and putting off brushing my teeth...and getting blood drawn...and doing dishes.....

Dear Payton,

2011-10-05T20:57:00.001-05:00

Today you are 2 1/2, exactly 30 months old. Happy Half Birthday! We celebrated by making "gookies" (cookies) and playing with friends.

I sure do love you, Kid. Not going to lie, you can be a complete turd and extremely hard to deal with at times...but I hardly ever get mad at you. Mostly in those tantrum-moments my heart is breaking, wishing things were easier for you.

I'll have you know, though, that I wouldn't take away your trials. Yes I wish at times that things were easier for you, but really, deep down, I know that your trials are for your good. The Book of Mormon and Bible, time and time again, teach us this. Without trials and temptations we would not grow and we would not know joy, and we could not return to live with our Father in Heaven.

You are one impressive soul. Your love and Spirit constantly amaze me and teach me. I love that you find joy in the simple things (like an airplane in the sky or a butterfly). I love that when Derek was crying last night, I walked into the room to find you bending over to pick up his paci that he'd dropped out of his crib because you knew that's what he wanted. I love that you are becoming a Mommy's boy; up until the past few weeks your world has revolved around Daddy :). I love that your name for me is, simply, "B"--not quite sure where that's come from, but I LOVE it. It's so you. I love that you have started putting sentences together, and you even make jokes (like you love to say that Daddy's going "potty" and giggle, even though we all know Daddy's really at school). I love your current obsession with fire hydrants! You are always looking for them and yelling "Wa, wa guck!" (water truck) because we've told you that that is where fire trucks get their water. I love that you love music. I love that you recognize temples and pictures of our Savior, Jesus Christ. I love you, Paytie.

I wouldn't trade you for anything. My greatest fear, by far, is loosing you or your brother. You two are so precious.

Now, I must stop writing this letter because I can hear you and Derek giggling like crazy. Don't you know it's an hour past bedtime?! :)

Love you, Sweet Prince,
"B"

Highs and Lows

2011-10-03T19:53:00.000-05:00

Linking up at My Songbook

You know me and my opinion on "popular" blogs, so I'll admit I have been surprised at how much I love this blog I found the other day (My Songbook). It's just real, which is quite refreshing. I've never "linked up" before but figured, why not? :)

Highs for the day:

1. Seeing Payton jump into a huge tub of dried corn

2. Spending time with my dear friends Sarah and Nani

3. Chocolate pudding and homemade graham crackers

4. Going for a run with all three of my boys this evening

5. SUNSHINE and warmth!

6. Derek also enjoying the corn pit

his pants do button (size 12-18), but Mr. Wiggle Butt wanted down immediately once I changed his diaper.
I was lucky to even get pants on him!

Lows for the day:

1. Derek crying out 50 minutes before our alarm was set to go off at 6, so basically Brandon and I got up at 5:10 this morning

2. Once again not being caught up on dishes

3. Grease spilled on a stove burner, so when I cooked oatmeal this morning the whole house smelled like charred-grease-ness

4. Getting sad thinking about a family I don't even know, the Millers.

5. Payton missing the toilet and peeing on his pants/undies. Again.

All in all, it was actually a really good day!

Heavy, Touched Heart

2011-10-03T13:48:00.000-05:00

Through mutual friends I have learned of a family, the Millers. Their little boy, Seth, has never been home from the hospital because he is terribly ill with an autoimmune disease. This little champ has undergone chemo, a bone marrow transplant, and dialysis. Did I mention he's just 1 year old?

Currently, Seth is struggling. I write this post so that you can pray for this sweet boy and his family. Truly Seth needs a miracle at this point. Also, this has been a large financial burden on the family. On Facebook they have started having online auctions to help with medical costs. The group is called Prayers For Seth. Their next auction will be in November. Currently they're looking for donations. Please consider donating to this wonderful cause.

Now excuse while I go kiss my own sweet, little boys.

Thoughts

2011-10-01T19:34:00.007-05:00

My ~~little~~ big boy is almost 2 1/2. Bittersweet.

Payt just a few days old. My, how times have changed.

We started hardcore potty training Payton today. Only one accident so far (at WalMart, naturally). I sent him to bed tonight in his Thomas the Train undies. *crossing fingers that I don't have to change bedding at 3am*

I'm so grateful for all of the sunshine this past week. And I'm THRILLED that we're in the 80s this next week. I love Fall, but Winter can wait.

This week I found myself getting sad at the thought of moving away from Kansas! Who would have thunk it! But as I sat up front in the chapel last Sunday (my turn to talk) I was overcome with emotion seeing all these people that LOVE me, that have supported me so completely through depression, having a baby, and having cancer.

Kansas will always hold a special place in my heart. So many trials, but I feel like I'm finally starting to become my own person, and my faith has grown ten fold. I have my husband to thank for keeping me on track and building me up. I love having a Forever Friend.

Speaking of husbands, don't they (meaning, mine, I'm not looking at your husband!) look good all dressed up for Priesthood session?! Seriously. Hunk.

Derek played his first game of peek-a-boo today where he covered and uncovered his face. He's growing too fast.

I get, on average, about 1,000 hits on my blog each month (it's tapered off as I've not talked about cancer as much). Who are you all?!

Primary has taught me so much...mostly that I don't know anything. Every week my primary kids, with their humble, pure spirits, help me focus on what's really important.

I don't like watching the news, especially local news. Now that I'm a mother it fills me with too much anxiety.

I called the cops last night on my rowdy, cussing, fighting neighbors. Honestly, I felt scared and so, so sad for their children. By the time the cops got there they were no longer fighting. Naturally.

I will NOT miss this apartment complex when we move...but I will miss the free rent.

I really should be doing dishes or watching the parts of conference that I slept through (oops!).

It feels surreal that we are almost done with law school. Our time here has flown by. So much has happened, but it seems like yesterday we were pulling out of my parent's driveway in West Virginia with a 4-month-old Payton.

I feel blessed tonight. Reflecting on my crazy neighbors' lives I feel humbled and in awe that I was born into such good. We each have our trials, but I'm grateful I didn't have to go looking for the Gospel when times got tough. I always knew of Joseph Smith, Jesus Christ, and my potential. And then there's Atonement and the Holy Ghost. Quite the blessings, right?

The dryer buzzer just sounded. Duty calls!

Happy Birthday, Brandon!

2011-09-29T14:19:00.000-05:00

My sweetheart had his birthday last week. We were able to celebrate by taking an overnight trip to Kansas City without the boys! I'm grateful we have such great friends here that I didn't have to fret about leaving them!

We forgot our camera, but suffice it to say we had a wonderful time together. There's just something about feeling so completely comfortable with someone. The weather was perfect, and although I slept terribly in the hotel (not unusual for me) we were still able to enjoy our time in KC. Of course, we stayed near the Plaza and window shopped most of those stores, realizing that even when we have a job there are so many things we will never be able to afford! We also ate wonderful food (Blue Bird Cafe-this was just ok, Longhorn Steak House, and California Pizza Kitchen). Oh, and let's not forget a stop to Dave and Busters on our way home! We might be a little competitive with each other...

We actually didn't have our trip on Brandon's exact birthday, so when his "real" birthday dawned Payt helped me make him a cake (vanilla with strawberry icing), and we ate Mexican--always delish! It wasn't until I'd been up for a couple of hours that day that I remembered that it was his big day...and I realized that he let me sleep in for three hours! He got up at 6am with the boys. Most amazing husband. Ever. Brandon truly is selfless.

Brandon works so hard for our family, and he puts up with a lot of emotions between myself and Payton. He's constantly forgiving and loving. He is a wonderful father, and a supportive husband. I've been so blessed.

This was the only celebratory candle in the house...

Happy Birthday, Bran!

The Blessing of Payton

2011-09-16T22:57:00.002-05:00

Every day Payton does something that makes my heart fill with this indescribable love. While some days it's all I can do to not scream and pull my hair out, I feel so blessed to be his mom. I am a little down missing my friend Aleah (hey, Lee!), so I thought I'd try and focus on something positive: Payton.

- On Monday I had a doctor's appointment to have a planters wart worked on (gross, I know); Dr. L froze the wart with a can of liquid nitrogen while Payt observed. Just yesterday I was sitting on the floor when Payt came over with his silver, plastic fire extinguisher from his Mr. Potato Head set. He sat down at my feet, turned my foot over, and held the fire extinguisher on my foot for a few seconds. He then went and got his tool set and proceeded to hammer my knees and take my blood (with a screwdriver). I love his photographic memory!

- This past week his language has really taken off. He's developed the "k" sound, so he's now saying things like milk, truck, and duck. For the first time he's now attempting to say Derek. He's also starting to put more and more words together, like "Tv, truck?" (can I watch trucks on tv?).

- In order to keep Derek out of his bowl of snacks, Payt blocks Derek from the bowl; if Derek whines enough Payt will take a handful of snack and shove it in Derek's mouth to pacify him.

- A frequently used phrase is "Oh No!". If anything is out of order he is quick to point it out--this is one of his quirks; sometimes this gets a little OCDish and hard to handle. However, because of this he is really good at putting things away in their proper place and helping me keep tabs on a very active Derek. I love his particular nature. To me it's one of the things that makes him my Payton.

- Payt's helped me see what I (use to) consider the little things in life: bugs, airplanes, trucks, balls, balloons, cheese, milk, rivers/water. Just today he wasn't around as an airplane flew over me; I was so bummed that he'd missed one of his favorite things. Before Payt I doubt I'd have thought much about that plane. It also warms my heart to see him constantly pointing out anyone/thing that looks similar to Christ or temples.

- His memory is astounding. Truly it is photographic. He always knows exactly where we are in town as we drive around. He gets angry if we don't turn onto the freeway as we pass on-ramps because he wants to see trucks! If we go to a certain park where we once road a little train he freaks out that we aren't riding it again (which is why his dance class sucks so much because it's at this park!). If we're on 29th, he will start shouting "choo, choo" because ONE time we visited a train store there. If we're on 21st, he will start signing "juice" because there's a gas station we go to to get drinks. If we start heading to church he starts saying, "No, no, NO!" Last week as we headed to playgroup we had to pass the church; he'd started in with his "No"s and I told him we were just driving by and that he needed to say hi/bye to the church. Well, this past Sunday as soon as he saw the church he started saying hi/bye and was not thrilled when we when didn't just drive past the building.

- Payt loves to carry and push things around...a lot. It's part of the Sensory Processing Disorder in that he LOVES to feel weighed down because it helps him to feel centered. Well, this week I was sorting through his old clothes and found size 18 month one piece long johns. As I put them on him, starting at the feet, he literally lite up and seemed to, for the first time that day, truly focus on me. I asked him if they felt good and he gave a giddy "uh huh!". I don't think I can accurately describe the joy I saw on his face; I'll never forget it. It was a breakthrough moment. The pressure from the size-to-small-pjs helped him, finally, feel good. I'm starting to realize I take a lot of things about my own body for granted!

- Payt is a goof ball! He loves to make us laugh.

-Payt LOVES using the potty and hasn't pooped in his diaper in over three weeks. While I am despising public restrooms and the smell of pee in my own bathroom, it makes me so happy that one of his obsessive things is wanting to use the potty!

Well, it is getting late. I wish I could write more but I am exhausted and am having a hard time writing coherent thoughts. A post about Payt deserves special attention, and right now I'm fading...

10 Months

2011-09-14T13:25:00.002-05:00

A little bit about Derek at 10 months...

Derek is a great napper (still doing two naps, although if we have to be out in the mornings he can survive on only one), but has been a real pill when it comes to night time lately. Just like his brother at 10 months actually.

Derek's been relatively healthy since he was born (only one trip to the ER), but this month he got a week long cold. This soon morphed into a high fever, which was followed by a rash; I'm pretty positive it was the Roseola virus. Since it's so common, none of the rest of us (my parents included, because they were visiting) were affected.

Derek has started pulling up on things and walking along furniture. The past two days he's also letting go and standing for about 2 seconds before grabbing back on or falling over.

He's still an eater. This boy is like clock work, and he doesn't give you much warning when (he thinks) it's time to eat. We tried him on a sensitive formula for a few days and he screamed and screamed...so he's back to Alimentum. However, a few days later he started in with the fever and stuff, so I really don't know if he was fussy because of sickness or because of the new formula. It seems, though, that we have another lactose intolerant baby on our hands.

Derek went through a phase this past month where he was afraid of all men, except Brandon. If they looked at him he'd scream and scream. Thankfully, as of this past week, it seems to have passed.

He's starting to let us know his will concerning things...by screaming bloody murder! He LOVES to be outside, and when we walk in he lets us know that he is not pleased! Same goes when we're feeding him and not doing it quick enough.

His favorite toys seem to be a school bus that we have and a magnadoodle (he just chews on the pen).

Derek's now over 23 pounds, so this weekend we are planning on moving him out of his infant car seat. *sniff*sniff*. He'll still be sitting backwards (for a long time thanks to the new guidelines) but he'll be in a big boy seat like his brother.

Derek LOVES Payton. This morning Payt fell asleep in my bed (it'd been a long night) and when it was time to wake Payt, I told Derek we were going to go get "Payton". Immediately Derek got a huge grin on his face, and once he actually saw Payt upstairs he went nuts bouncing and squealing.

Payton and Derek play this game where Payt lays on top of my bed, and Derek stands beside it. Payt will hide under the covers, and pop out randomly to make Derek laugh. It's so sweet to see their excitement and joy playing with one another. They both giggle like crazy. Of course, every time I get the camera they stop because that little black box is, apparently, really fascinating.

Derek has started eating more "real people" food like noodles, rice, bread, beans, etc. He does pretty well, but we can only give him a few at a time because he will just keep filling his mouth until he chokes.

Derek's demeanor is still pretty calm, but he is getting an attitude. When we're out he's content to sit in the stroller for hours (something Payt never did). But, like I said earlier, he's starting to have an opinion about what he wants, and he certainly is loud when expressing it!

I really love my Derek. He's a perfect fit to our family.

Huff and Puff

2011-09-12T14:22:00.002-05:00

If we'd made a Kansas bucket list when we first moved here (which we should have) the annual Huff and Puff festival would have been on it! This was our last year to go, and I am SO grateful we did. It is amazing. I'm bummed we didn't go our previous years. Payt loved it and, of course, pitched a fit when we left.

These pics are out of order, but the boys are waking up from their nap and I don't have time to rearrange...

Labor Day

2011-09-12T07:05:00.000-05:00

My parents came in for a quick visit this past weekend during Labor Day...so wonderful! Payt has this crazy, awesome photographic memory (not exaggerating, it comes with some of his quirks) so he had no hesitation seeing his grandparents even though it'd been a few months...well, and not to mention, he talks to my mom every day on the phone.

During this visit Payt started attempting to say Grandma/pa. It sounded more like "Ma-mal" for either of them, but it was a start and very cute... now if only he'd say MY name! He can say "mama" if prompted but he never calls me that...

Anywho, because Derek had a high fever that didn't break until after there were here for a day he was fussy, tired, and clingy to me...but by Monday he was back to himself, thankfully, and would even (willing) go to my Mom when she called to him.

A tired boy and Derek ;)

Starting to feel better!

While Brandon and Butch went golfing on Monday, my Mom and I took the boys to our towns Labor Day parade. Derek did SO much better than I thought he would (he's kind of scared of everything).

Before the parade he was happy...

What a beautiful little boy!

still happy...

And then the parade started. Every time a siren or music played he'd bury his head!

Payt's FAVORITE part of the parade. He went nuts over "Tumbler" (alluding to Bob the Builder)

Mom and Butch have something that little Payton found fascinating: Angry Birds on their phones! Or, as Payt calls it, "BOOM!" (that's what we'd say when the birds would hit). Man that game is addicting!

Another beautiful boy!

Other highlights included my mom and I getting our nails done (I love pedicures!), Derek visiting their hotel room, eating out and making yummy homemade food, playing ball, going to the park (which wonderful pictures have disappeared from my computer, BOO!), and the best card game ever: Wizard!

I'm so glad my parents were able to visit for a few days. Not only do I enjoy seeing them, but I enjoy how happy my boys are to see them! Thanks, Mom and Butch!

Payt's face cracks me up!

Updatey

2011-09-10T21:47:00.000-05:00

Where to begin? Lately, I feel like we've been running and running...in place. So busy, but at the end of every day I wonder what exactly we did to make us all feel so exhausted.

Thyroid: the cancer sage might be over for a bit, but the hormone battle still rages. I'm so sick of gaining weight! Why can't it be like the "old days" where I could eat 7 cookies in one sitting (Nani, those were WAY too yum today. I couldn't help myself) and not gain an ounce. Supposedly I'm finally dipping into hyperthyroidism (a good thing for a post-thyroid-cancer person), but I haven't yet experienced the weight loss that comes with it...if you're rolling your eyes right now I don't blame you because I know I'm whining. But I've now gained 10 pounds in the past two months...and it all seems to reside in my hips. I'm having to wear my early pregnancy shorts/pants. Man, why didn't I learn earlier in life how to eat sensibly? No slam against my Mom (Hi, Mom!), but I grew up with my favorite breakfast being a plain piece of bread and a glass of Kool Aid. Gone are the days...

Law School: It's in full swing. Brandon is gone a lot of evenings, but it is nice to have a routine again. Brandon has been fighting exhaustion and sickness :(, but he's still AMAZING at making my load easy to bear. Never once does he ask me to get up with the boys...which is terrible because I know that if I pretend to not hear the boys in the middle of the night (sorry, Babe!) he will get up with them and never say a word to me. Anyway, Brandon's grades are better than ever, and we're really happy with his class ranking. Things are looking to be a good semester.

Payton: Payt started a dance class today. It was...interesting. For a boy who LOVES to dance he sure stood still a lot with his favorite, four fingers in his mouth:

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

We are currently also in the process of meeting with more therapists and teachers for him. I am loving his therapists, and I'm seeing a lot of improvement...Honestly this section alone deserves it's own post, but I am too tired right now to give it the attention it deserves. Perhaps later this week... (who am I kidding?)

Derek: Well, he turns 10 months this next week so you'll have to wait until then. I don't want to make this post a million paragraphs long. :)

Now that I think about it, I feel like I have a million things to blog about: Derek's 10 month, Payt's therapy, Labor Day, Huff and Puff (hot air balloon festival), all of us being sick for a week, etc, etc, etc. One day...

A New Friend

2011-09-08T18:06:00.001-05:00

My parents were in town for a few days, and on Tuesday Derek went to their hotel for a bit. He quickly discovered a new friend. Enjoy!

Cute Little Sickey

2011-09-03T18:19:00.001-05:00

Our little Derek has not been feeling well the past few days. Of course he starts running a high grade fever after my parents begin their drive to come and see us. Hopefully he doesn't make anyone else sick. For now we're pumping the pain meds and taking it easy. While sick, Derek's been quite the cuddle bug, which I love...although I could have done without being up with him from 3 til 6:30 this morning!

We can't find our camera, but I had to get pics of him this evening. Thank goodness for cell phones. My kids are adorable, even when the picture is poor quality! :)

Payt jumped into the picture once he saw our phones out, haha

Cat nap at 5pm

Love you, DerBear. Feel better soon!

3L

2011-08-27T19:47:00.002-05:00

3L (for all you non law school folk) means a 3rd year law student, aka almost a graduate!

I can't believe it but our third and final year of law school is here! Brandon started full time school again on Monday. While it's been an adjustment having Daddy gone all week after a whole summer of him being home, it is nice to get into a normal routine with our individual, normal rolls. Apparently Daddy's weren't meant to do the cleaning and Mommy's weren't meant to stay in bed...at least in our household! Actually, Brandon did a spectacular job of taking care of us this summer. Between cleaning, cooking, changing diapers, and taking care of a sick/emotional wife he stayed upbeat and faith filled.

But as I said, we are both relieved to have this summer behind us and for the C-word to not be dictating our schedule. Tomorrow starts the first week since May that we do not have a doctor's appointment on our weekly schedule. Instead it's once again filled with classes and play dates. Now that, my friends, is something to be grateful for.

Anyway, these past two years have just flown by. I'm thrilled that we (I say we because this is completely a joint effort) are almost done with law school. Today I got giddy thinking about moving to Texas to get an LLM and then to get a job. A real job. Like adults. That will be nice!

I love you, Bran! Have a great, final year here in Kansas. Thanks for working so hard at being an amazing husband then dad then student...not saying that you're a bad student! Just saying that myself and the boys come first. I kind of like that :).

Potty Talk

2011-08-25T12:50:00.001-05:00

Just a few minutes ago I got a preview of the next 15 years of my life:

Payton: DaaDe?

Me: You want to know where Daddy is?

Payton: Yeah

Me: Daddy's at school

Payton: No! *signs Potty*

Me: Do you need to go potty?

Payton: No! DaaaDe *signs Potty*

Me: What? Daddy's going potty?

Payton: Yeah (giggles devilishly)

Me: No, Silly, Daddy's at school!

Payton: No, DaaDe *potty* (more giggling)

Here he is laughing while signing "potty"

Now every few minutes, as he eats his lunch, he looks at me with a cheeser grin and says Daddy while signing potty. haha. Such a funny boy. He knows Daddy is not going potty, that Daddy is not even here...but apparently it is quite funny to say that Daddy is going potty!

Where does he come up with this stuff?

Giveaway!

2011-08-24T11:47:00.000-05:00

As some of you may know, Brandon's sister-in-law and my bestie, Tara, has an Etsy shop called Loominosity, and today you have a chance to win one of her gorgeous bracelets. Tara puts hours into each piece, and they are worth a lot of money. Head over to i believe in unicorns to enter!

Cancer Free? Not Quite...

2011-08-23T12:21:00.001-05:00

...but almost!

Today I met with my endocrinologist, Dr. C. He informed me that my body scan from last week revealed that the cancer did NOT spread beyond my neck. This is GREAT news because it means that the round of radiation I did two weeks ago should be the only round I need.

I am not considered cancer free until all the thyroid cells in my neck are destroyed by the radiation. It will take a couple of months for the radiation to kill all of the cells completely. My doctor is not worried; he said that I'm right on track for a "normal" recovery.

In six months I will have another scan to see if there are any thyroid (aka cancer) cells in my neck. It'd be highly unlikely that they would still be there. If they are all gone then I can shout from the roof tops that I'm cancer free. I look forward to that point!

So that's that for now. All that's left until my next scan is working to maintain a normal TSH (thyroid simulating hormone) level. Currently my levels are way too high, so we're working with my meds and monitoring my blood work. I have a lot of faith in Dr. C, it's just my body is fighting him! I don't think anyone's body is happy to loose its thyroid, but mine seems to really be hellbent. Not surprising considering my temperament ;). I've always been the stubborn one.

Through all of this cancer stuff I've realized how much the medical field fascinates me. I've learned so much about how my body works, which is wonderful to know. But even more I've learned how important it is to have good nurses. Your nurse makes all the difference. Dr. L's nurse, Sheila, has been my greatest help/resource through all of this. The nurses that cared for me post op (in Holton) remembered me from delivering Derek and treated me like a queen. I've had so many positive experiences with nurses so when the not-so-positive have happened I've been reminded just how great it is to have caring, smart nurses... and I'm now pretty sure that that is what I'm going to go back to school for. Another positive that's come of this!

Anyway... Until February (when I have my next scan) this will hopefully be the last cancer post. That sounds good, doesn't it?

How We Even Found the Cancer

2011-08-22T07:57:00.001-05:00

In the past week I've had about five people ask me how we even found that I had cancer. I've realized that I need to share this aspect of my story because, to me, it is the biggest testament that Heavenly Father is intimately aware of me (and you).

I've now realized that this cancer journey began 19 months ago when we suddenly felt that we should get pregnant again. Payt was only 9 months old, and I was just breaking out of postpartum depression. So imagine our stress when we began to feel that it was already time to add another little child to our family. I think we both bounced between feeling peace and anxiety, but we followed our hearts and got pregnant with Derek.

Fast forward to when I had Derek. At my 6 week postpartum appointment my doctor, Dr. L, diagnosed with me Postpartum Thyroiditis, which is an enlarged thyroid due to having a baby. It's not uncommon, has few side affects, and it typically goes away at 6 months postpartum. Every month, until the 6 month point, I was to have my blood drawn to check my TSH, T4, and whatever else thyroid stuff they check. Immediately another thyroid condition, called Hashimotos, was ruled out because my labs were completely normal. So we all assumed that it was a simple case of postpartum thyroiditis.

When Derek was 4 months old, I took Payton to the doctor for a rash. (My boys and I both see Dr. L.) Dr. L, who is about 6'10", was across the room from me and I lifted my head, thereby stretching my neck, to say something to him. In this moment he said to me something along the lines of, "Hey, your neck's changed." He then proceeded to feel my thyroid and determined that the left side was no longer swollen, but the right side still was. Apparently this was cause for concern because if it was only Postpartum Thyroiditis then both sides would have gone down. At the end of Payton's appointment he had me do lab work and we scheduled an ultrasound.

Side note, at the beginning of Payt's appointment I made some comment like, "I'll be here again next week to do another round of blood work for my thyroid", so that's probably how my thyroid was already on Dr. L's mind...but I truly believe that it was a small miracle that he noticed the shape of my neck had changed during an appointment for Payton. If he hadn't of found this then who knows how long it would have taken, how much more the cancer would have spread. We would probably just be beginning surgery right now (and today is Brandon's first day of school!). Everything happens for a reason.

Anyway, the ultrasound showed that the nodule (lump) was highly vascular (lots of blood flow). This wasn't good, but the chances of me having cancer were still pretty low. After an unnecessary CT Scan--Dr. L thought we should go straight to a biopsy because I'd no doubt need one after the ultrasound findings, but the radiologist called for a CT--I had a type of biopsy called Fine Needle Aspiration (FNA).

The chance of the nodule being cancerous even if it was highly vascular was something like 5%. Well, unlucky me, as we all know, it was cancerous.

Since then I've had surgery complete with a very hard two week recovery and a radiation treatment called I-131. Today I should hear the results of last week's CT scan to see if the radiation was effective.

Overall I'm grateful for this experience. I haven't felt abandoned by God, but rather I've felt Him so much more immensely in my life that I truly wouldn't trade this experience (not like I could, but still...). So many blessings have come because of it. Just the experience of Dr. L noticing that my neck had changed is a huge blessing and testament to me that the Lord knows and loves us. And not to mention the fact that I had Derek when I did. Would I have even been seeing a doctor if I hadn't been pregnant? I doubt it.

Has this been hard? Yes. 100 times, Yes! Physically I have felt exhausted, crazy, and sick. Emotionally I, too, have been exhausted. But it's helped me appreciate all three of my boys and the Gospel in my life. If anything, I've learned that trials are for our good, not our detriment.

Nine Months

2011-08-19T13:21:00.001-05:00

Nine Months, here he comes!

I can no longer keep my floors clean enough to keep Derek out of trouble

The best pic I could get of a two year old in a tie...

This is Derek's most common "smile"

He's eating lots of solids now!

Wait a minute...

Derek's now pulling up on everything!

These two are REALLY starting to play well together. It's so fun! In this picture Payt kept covering
himself and Derek up together

Derek's got such a big Big Brother!

Love my boys!

Overwhelmed

2011-08-17T22:14:00.001-05:00

Tonight I am just that: overwhelmed.

Overwhelmed that Payt falls behind developmentally and is hard to discipline
Overwhelmed that we have no money. No money to fly and see Aleah. No money to fly or drive to CA for Christmas. I'm sorry, LeeLee.
Overwhelmed that tomorrow I have a CT scan
Overwhelmed that my family is spread across the country
Overwhelmed that we can't seem to shake the eating-out habit
Overwhelmed that Brandon starts school again on Monday
Overwhelmed that my upstairs bathroom is never clean
Overwhelmed that I can't keep any floor clean enough to keep Derek from choking on random things
Overwhelmed that I'm gaining weight. Thank you thyroid and birth control
Overwhelmed that it's the last week of summer loan money, aka we are having to use credit cards
Overwhelmed that I can't figure out how to help my family eat completely healthy
Overwhelmed that I can't start school again next year, like I'd hoped, because it's become obvious to me that Payt needs me more than I need school
Overwhelmed that the Honda won't even turn on
Overwhelmed that I feel frumpy and my clothes don't fit
Overwhelmed that Payt is picky eater
Overwhelmed that my schedule is completely full with doctor and therapy appointments, not play dates like it use to be
etc, etc, etc

Are most of these things trivial? Umm, yes. But it sure made me feel a little better to get it off my chest.

Radiation Reflections

2011-08-13T10:34:00.002-05:00

In an hour I will be FREE! I'm going home, people!

I still can't cuddle my boys for extended times, but I can be around them without too many problems. I still have to "double flush" (radiation comes out most through urine) and wash my clothes separately, but I'm done with hospitals and hotels. I'm done with sleeping in a room by myself (still can't share a bed with someone, but at least I won't be alone). I'm done with feeling like a disease to those around me.

My room was plastic and paper covered so everything came in contact with as little radiation as possible (aka, me).
I also wore gloves when using my personal things so that they didn't get contaminated.

Dare I say things are going to return to normal? I hope so. Although with a mobile Derek in the mix and Brandon returning back to school full time we are going to have a new normal. But that's okay. I am hopeful that this new normal will no longer be full of doctor's appointments and cancer talk.

In a few days I will have a full body scan to make sure this treatment worked. Normally only one round of I-131 is needed to eradicate thyroid cancer, so I am hopeful that this will be the case for me. If not...well, I refuse to think like that! Right now, in my mind, still having cancer is not an option.

For the first time I learned Sudoku. Hello, Amazing. I LOVE it. This kept me sane.
I also painted my toes.

This has been a much harder week than I thought it would be. I assumed it was going to be hard, but I forgot that I wouldn't be on my thyroid meds during my radiation. This adds a whole new element: exhaustion, weight gain, moodiness.

Being alone was definitely the hardest part. I need physical contact, especially with my children and husband. Although I had plenty of time to sleep (and I was exhausted from not being on my meds), the bed was not comfortable. Plus, the treatment caused the unwelcome sick affect of extremely dry skin. Call me whiny, but I didn't have any heavy duty lotion with me and one night I woke up having scratched my neck so much it was bleeding. Plus, they had me showering three times a day to get the radiation off of my body; this does not help alleviate dry skin!

Each day I was nauseous, but nothing severe until Wednesday morning. I did throw up, but with a little help from Zofran (miracle drug!) I was able to feel better and finally be released.

I really liked my radiologist...until he was called on an emergency to another hospital and left with his nurse. This nurse forgot to process my papers so I could leave. I'd already gotten the go ahead to call Brandon to get me, but I ended up having to wait FIVE infuriating, tear-filled hours before we could track down my doc's nurse to finish paper work. After being completely alone for about 60 hours, those five extra hours just about did me in. My poor Brandon. He had quite the exhausted, stressed, burned out, thyroid-medicine-less wife on his hands.

Brandon knows how much I love flowers, so I was humbled (after being so grouchy with him)
to see two large bouquets in my hotel room.

Brandon took me to see the boys for a few minutes...which was heartbreaking. My dear Payton. He treated me like he didn't think I was coming back. I even took him outside to throw the ball--his very favorite thing--and I ran to the other side of the yard (to throw the ball) and he fell on the grass crying, saying "No, no, no". I went and gathered him in my arms (which at that time I could only hold him for like 30 seconds) and I realized he thought I was leaving. I put him down, he took my hand and pulled it in under his chin. He didn't want to let go of his mama! I just about cried.

Because I really could not be having this much contact with him I had to have Brandon take me back to the hotel. Paytie sobbed. :( The next day he did a lot better when I visited, and now it is not stressful at all. He must have figured out that mom is still around!

This week my emotions have been all over the place, and I have wanted to scream "Why me?"...but I realize how wrong that is. We each have trials, and I truly believe they are for our good. Throughout this whole process I've come to know that Heavenly Father is intimately aware of each of us. And I've realized I have many more good friends than I thought. I was shocked to receive multiple gift bags and treats from people while I was in the hospital and hotel.

To help pass the time I made my boys these ties. Aren't they adorable?! I am no seamstress, but these were incredibly
easy. Thanks Hadley Grace Designs! Payt LOVES them.

Did you know that when we felt prompted to get pregnant with Derek is was TERRIBLE timing (so we thought)? But I believe with my whole heart that Derek's birth saved my life. If I hadn't of had a baby I wouldn't have been going to the doctor. Eventually we might have found the cancer, but it's been perfect timing that everything was found at the beginning of the summer and the cancer hadn't spread too far...

Heavenly Father has a plan, and I know that trusting in His timing will save and enhance our earthly and heavenly lives.

Growing Up...

2011-08-11T19:24:00.001-05:00

...is bittersweet, at least for the mom.

Knowing that it's going to be a while before (and maybe even if (due to my health)) we have another baby makes Derek's milestones all that more bittersweet. He's crawling so fast now, and Grandma Karen says she thinks he'll be walking in a few months...and today when I checked on him at nap time he was standing up in his crib (the first time we've seen this)...not only was he standing, but he was holding on with one hand and reaching to get a toy.

With how crazy this summer has been I haven't been interested in feeding Derek solids (besides those from a jar). It just wasn't high on my list of priorities...but he's definitely ready. As I've been out of the house this week Brandon and his Mom have let Derek branch out, and he's loving it. It was hilarious to see him go at his rice tonight while we ate out.

Nine months. He'll be nine months in a matter of days. It's surreal. Where's my baby going? This week I went almost three whole days without seeing my boys, and, I swear, in that time they both grew. Derek looked different! Payt was taller! How is that possible?

As hard as it is to be away from them right now due to my cancer treatments (although I can now see them for a few minutes each day), it's made me grateful because I've realized just how much I love my children and wouldn't change where I'm at and what I'm doing.

Love you, Derek. I can't wait till next week when I can rock you and kiss you again!

Pros and Cons

2011-08-06T06:54:00.000-05:00

I have one question: are freezer meals and making things from scratch really worth it?

This doesn't even show the other half of the kitchen with our table equally covered.

Answer: Yes. Last night I didn't feel this way, but this morning knowing that I made homemade fried rice, stuffed shells, pitas, quinoa burgers, and Mexican wraps I feel pretty good. My family will have some semi-healthy, meat-free meals while I am quarantined. Now to go start that second load of dishes...

Cloth Diaper Question

2011-08-02T19:46:00.000-05:00

I've only tried pocket diapers so far, but I'm wondering about prefold. They seem so much cheaper...but do they work as well? I need thoughts and opinions... Also, which brands do you like best?

"Foooosh"

2011-07-26T13:08:00.001-05:00

Please meet our newest additions:

We let Payt choose his rock color...and of course he chose pink! ha. We then had him choose between green and blue, and he obviously chose the green!

We normally had fish growing up...and I thought they were pointless (sorry, Butch!). I swore I'd never own fish. When Brandon always talked about having a large tank (when we're all grown up ;) it was all I could do to not roll my eyes...but here we are with a fish tank and five little fishies!

So, why the fish/change of heart? Because we felt it might be something to help our little men fall asleep at night--the noise, the light, the smell (oh wait, not that...). We've been pondering how a pet might help Payt be calmer. Brandon is all for a cat. I'm all for a dog...but our resources and little home are not ideal for a high maintenance pet. When fish came to our mind, it really felt right.

I don't know if the fish have helped Payton...but I certainly believe they've helped Derek. Go figure! Payt will not go to sleep if the fish are still "awake" so we must turn the tank light off and tell the fish good night.. apparently Payt doesn't need a light to fall asleep! However, since Derek goes to sleep an hour before Payt and the tank light is still on he lays there and stares at it until he falls asleep. Previously he'd flop and whine until he finally fell asleep.

Payt's arm is around Derek :)

I've actually really enjoyed the fish, too. We have one feisty blue guppy, and as I sat watching him while I rocked Derek one evening I was taught an important lesson: these fish have individual personalities which means God made even the fish unique and special. If God cares about one little guppy then how much more he cares about each of us as individuals, and how much more he wants us to be our own best self.

So, yay, Fish!

Love Affair

2011-07-25T20:51:00.000-05:00

I have a love affair with cloth diapers. I know, I'm weird. But, seriously, why did I wait so long to start cloth diapering?! It is SO much easier than I thought it would be (even Brandon's been impressed), and my boys are able to wear one cloth diaper far longer than a disposable.

Poopy clean up is a breeze because I use flushable liners. I think these are a must because this girl will not be dunking or wringing out poop! Although, I will admit, my hands do get messier with cloth diapers. I use what's called one size pocket diapers (Oh Katy are my favorite by far), and I have to remove the pocket before they're washed...it's not always pleasant, but I just wash my hands immediately and it's not that big of a deal. I think that if we had a utility sink right next to our w/d then this wouldn't phase me at all.

I have been washing my diapers every day or every other day. It just depends on if I use them on both boys or not. Currently we can only afford enough to last for two days with one boy; so, like today, I knew I'd be able to wash diapers tonight so I put both boys in cloth. I wash them once the boys are in bed, then I lay them on the couch to dry overnight. In the morning they're all ready to go!

While the initial cost investment isn't cheap, we will be saving money in just a few months. Lately we've been spending $80/month on disposable diapers, so it'll take about one semester doing cloth for us to start saving money. We don't pay for most of our utilities so the cost of washing the diapers isn't a factor for us.

And, last, Derek was just adorable today after his nap so I took a video. I'm not sure why it's so blurry: